The Deck Furniture on the Titanic

Things I some times wonder about…

George “W” often speaks about diplomatic chats with North Korea as opposed to our approach in Iraq.

This seems a bit odd.

Yes, I get that we made a lot assumptions in regards to the weapons of mass destruction in Sadam’s backyard and so on. Assumptions that now clearly appear to have been.. Oh, what’s the great line from “Bull Durham”?

“That pitch looks to be a little outside.”

We also make, a rightful assumption, that in fact Sadam was pretty well a dictator and was not going to be winning the Nobel Prize in the foreseeable future. Here, he hardly stands alone…no shortages of these ‘whack jobs’ out there.

I have said it before and will say it again. Albeit, that I may take exception to our presence in Iraq, I believe we need to support the men and women of our Armed Services 100% and pray for their safe and swift return home.

Ok, then, lets talk about North Korea.

They can make ‘nukes’(nuclear arms). They don’t like the USA and myriads of other countries. They are as suppressed as any nation in the history of this world.
Kim Jong-il, the odd little leader of this country, is a nut case in his own special “Planters” can.

And, yet we want to sit down and have a chat with them?

Earlier this week, Kim Jong-il made a declaration that all North Korean men should in fact cut their hair to a short length. They should parrot his hairstyle.

And the reason?

Well, it seems, in the wisdom of Kim, that long hair sucks the oxygen out of the brains of men; apparently, the same concern does apply to the women of North Korea.

Yes, indeed, here is a guy I want to have a serious dialogue with while he has control of ‘nukes’. This dude, makes the latter years of Howard Hughes’ life, look like a stroll down ‘sanity lane’.

Who, for the love of all that makes any semblance of sense, would WE have chat with this clown? Tim Leary is dead and Charles Manson is otherwise occupied.

I’m sorry, Mr. President, what am I not seeing here?

I guess denial is just not a river in Egypt.

Beach Ball Part deux

So where were we…
(Re: “I was thinking a bit about my reluctant acceptance of people who have authority over me.” Posted 1/27/05)

Right, I had just finished washing out the trailer for my Boss, who apparently missed the finer details of the job I had done.

It looked very much like this writer was not going to last much longer than a year or so with this oil company at this rate. I was off to a very rocky start, and I had no one but myself to blame. You don’t tug on Superman’s cape; as it turned out, it was more like Wonder Woman’s lasso. Let me explain.

There is no question there are endless stories in regards to my first supervisor...the string on the belt, the missing Pea Jacket and the Greek tanker crew are but a few. And never let us forget, the connection between Saint Bernard puppies and sex; but, once again, I am rambling on.

So here I am strolling through the pipe yard with my Boss. He is explaining to me that I am the only employee who does not like coming to work in his department.

…(Visions of grandeur or what?)

He then tells me that he will make my life miserable and have me fired.

Well, the first part worked… for a while.

As we continue our little jaunt, I realized I am hosed. I am also providing great entertainment for my co-workers who are watching the ‘Boss to Employee’ chat.

I decided there and then, if I ever got to be a boss, I would remember this shining example of leadership.

Oddly enough, love that phrase. It reminds me of years later when I was running the same department in Southern California and one of my employees, who had been in the group for over 35 years. He was a very quiet, sullen man who generally thought anyone above an hourly employee was an idiot. He was more prophetic than he knew.

Shortly after arriving there I explained to my troops, that I also had started my career with “looks like a logo for Chrysler…Oil Company” in the storehouse at Cherry Point. He looked up and said, “Did you know ‘fill in the blanks’?” (It should be explained here that my walking partner in the pipe yard had in fact come from the same refinery I was now working at.)

I looked at the employee and told him that yes, he (‘fill in the blanks’) was my first boss and he was an idiot. We bonded on the spot. Of course, those were the last words he spoke to me for the remainder of my tenure there, but hey, bonding is bonding.

…So back to the original story…

I have to find a way out of this or I could see myself spending the rest of my career working ‘swing’ shift, the issue counter and the tool trailer. What ever could I do?

I know, let’s go to a party.

I am invited to a party in the local town and decide it would be a good time to blow off some steam. So while at this social gathering, I run into an old friend of mine from Seattle. I am amazed to see her and we spend, what seemed like hours, chatting the night away. At one point, she inquires into what career choice I have taken. When we last met, I was playing in a blues band in Seattle. Many would argue here that I was merely playing ‘at it’ as opposed to actually knowing what I was doing.

I tell her I am now working at an oil refinery and so on. She looks a little surprised and asks if I know so and so? “But, of course,” I reply “he is, in fact, my Boss.” She smiles and tells me that my Boss is one of her ‘regulars’. Clearly confused, I asked what actually does that mean… like do you cut hair or something?

“No, no,” she responds, “I work at the Golden Doors Massage Parlor in town.”

I begin to see a light at the end of said ‘tunnel’.

“Oh, and you work there, doing?” I inquire.

“Mostly getting old guys off,” she replies.

She then informs me that of all the clients she has, my Boss is probably the oddest. He, in fact, is only able to achieve ‘launch off’, as it were, while wearing a dress. Interestingly, they keep a dress at the establishment just for him.

The next Monday I am a ‘newborn’ man. I possess what I consider the most powerful tool known to man, Knowledge. Sure enough, at some point during the day, I have to go see my Boss for more of his patented Pep Talks.

I walk into his office and sit down. He begins to say something and I interrupt with the following.
“Hey, we have a mutual Friend.”
He looks a little surprised.
“Carol, who works at the massage parlor...”

A sly grin comes over his pudgy little face as if suddenly, we have bonded.
“So you go there to?” he asks, as if we are now officially Lodge brothers.
I wait a moment as he savors the thought of a ‘newfound pal.’

“No, I don’t go to ‘dives’ like that… so, what size dress do you wear, dude?”

It was a few years later that he retired and oddly enough, he never felt the urge to have another ‘heart to heart’ chat with me again.

Asian, the other white meat....sorta

This was written a while back but seems worth a reprint…


Last spring my wife attended a Race summit for the company she works for. She has attended many of these in the past because it seems always-good practice to parade out your ‘double whammy’ employees. I say that because she is an Asian female. It would seem that there is still no real change in the company’s behavior, as opposed to the policy on dealing with diversity; but I guess it just feels good to have meetings to discuss it.

I’m not clear who it makes feel better.

I had lunch with a friend here while my wife was out of town and he expressed real surprise that they would invite her since in his view “Orientals” (a term we will discuss a bit later) were not really considered a minority. When I pressed ‘Mr. Progressive’ on the statement, it became clear that Asians were just like white people, well almost.

It made me wonder about the things I have seen and heard since I have had the good fortune to have my wife as my best friend in my life.

The most common thing I hear regarding my wife is, "You just don’t think of her as Asian." I have heard this statement from more co-workers and friends than I could believe possible. I truly believe that in their minds they mean ‘it’ in the most positive way and truly feel it is a good thing. It makes me wonder what kind of chance you would have if they actually did think of you as Asian.

A few years back while golfing with her boss in South Carolina and he uttered that line, I responded with "Well, Tim, she does deal with it."

Ok, I give up. What do you think of her as… Irish?

Are you Asian if you own a liquor store, run a laundry, a nail salon or maybe work as an engineer? Clearly, if you are Asian, you are really good at math and can play the ‘hell’ out of certain types of music on the grand piano.

When first dating, I had the opportunity to take my ‘now wife’ over to meet my parents. I should add that at the time, my father, who was a contractor at the plant where both Daisy and I worked, reported to my future wife. Unlike Daisy, who was born and raised in Mississippi, our family (including myself) were born overseas and moved to this country in 1969. Both my parents speak with very heavy accents and have also endured some backlash because of this over the years.

Regardless, the meeting went well, and all seemed comfortable. A few days later, I had the occasion to speak to my mother and ask her thoughts. After saying how much she enjoyed meeting my new "friend" and so on, she concluded her comments by saying how much she admired the Japanese because they were such hard workers. I then pointed out that my “friend’s” name was a Chinese name, with which my mother asked, "What’s the Difference?"

Then there were the other terms of endearment tossed about from family members, “Chinaman”, “Oriental”, “Chink” and of course, the ever-popular “Gook”. A Korean comic, I once saw, pointed out that “Gook” is actually a reference to the Vietnamese, so please at least get your racial slurs correct. Probably though the best line would be from my best man at our wedding, asking shortly before the wedding, if anyone wanted to go out for “Chink” food later. That was truly a Master Card moment.

Ok, I know what some of you are saying, "Why not Oriental?" Washington State was actually the first state to ban the use of the word in all government documents. The term Oriental, which was popular when the Chinese and Japanese were cheap and expendable labor for railroad construction, is viewed as the term Negro or “Colored.” Put simply, my oldest daughter said it best when she told one of her friend’s, "My step-mom is Chinese, she is not a rug."

Now we move on to the job front…just a brief listing: .

While standing waiting for the vanpool to pick her up the Purchasing Manager begins to speak to Daisy in broken Japanese. Daisy explains she is Chinese, he responds with "So?"

A Supervisor asks me which part of France was Daisy’s father from. She had heard Daisy’s dad was French and it only made sense, because her eyes weren’t really all that slanted. I, of course, said, “Yes… that her father was in fact named Pierre Wong.” (Idiot.)

Then there was the Engineer explaining to me that Asians aren’t ‘really’ minorities because there are so many of them in Los Angeles. I must have missed that memo.

Oh yes, then there are the men, who have apparently seen the Susie Wong movie one too many times, insisting on calling her Susie.

When she explained to a Plant Manager that she was frustrated at not being promoted, he pointed out that management in Whatcom County mirrored the community’s population profile, and she should transfer to California.

Apparently, he was not aware of the ‘way too many Asians in California’ memo either.

I was working on a project about a year later in Seattle when I ran into the same Plant Manager who expressed his dismay that my wife had not been promoted in California since she was clearly very talented and should not be overlooked. (Putz.)

The list goes on, even today(Fries with your dog burger?), but why belabor the point.

My wife taught me the term "acceptable minority". And she is right.
It would seem as a rule, we view the Asian community as no real threat. We don’t really mind if they buy the house next door or if our sons date Asian girls. ..

Now marrying them could be a different story.

I have never really had to deal with racism, I’m pretty white and I’m male. Most limits for me are self-imposed. Rarely does someone look at me and think I’m probably a great cook and probably a wiz at math.

Which of course, I am neither, that’s why I married an Asian.

And so it goes

What’s the old saying?

Oh yeah.

You are either part of the solution or you are part of the problem. Or like most, maybe just a part of the viewing public, clearly an option many take.

I find it hard to not get involved. I have found that taking a step to doing the right thing (and without question, it is just my view of what the ‘right thing’ is…) is usually the choice I make.

The rewards of stepping forward are rarely seen in a check, cash or bonus, they tend to be far less tangible. They may just be a word of kindness, a buck to a bum, who might actually need it. It might happen. Though I find, as Chris Rock once said, “If you are still making really clever signs, you aren’t that hungry yet.”

Friday changed our lives. You would not think that 3 punks in a red truck could do that, but they did. It might be the most they actually ever achieve in their entire little existence. It would be very mature to step aside and look at this from the big picture.

Screw that.

There is a point of complete and total saturation, the sponge cannot hold anymore. As a wise philosopher once said, “I’s hads all I cans Take and aints got to takes NO more” The line is drawn in the sand, end of discussion.

I am amazed at the support, comments and lack of any kind of reaction this seems to have brought out from people we know. We thank you for the offers and suggestions, was unaware of the damage certain solvents can do to paint jobs. We will be honest and confess that we won’t be going after anyone, well at least not physically. It’s good to have the Chief of Police as a personal friend.

The dumbest quote of course would come from family members who felt it important to point out that they just don’t think of my wife as Chinese. I guess if they did, then the whole incident would be ok? I guess racism is just yet another well-hidden disease that even the owner is not aware they have.

Well, thanks for the crew from the OC for their never wavering support, and Belmont Shores of course.

Off to see if the golf ball collection is still on track.

The Sunday Comics

“The Sponge Bob brain trust came to the 'toon's defense after a full-blown controversy erupted this week when James Dobson, a Christian radio evangelist and founder of the group Focus on the Family, issued a warning to parents claiming the nave yellow critter and his crustacean compatriots advocated a "pro-homosexual video."
Dobson and his minions believe a music video made by the nonprofit We Are Family Foundation to promote the ideas of tolerance and diversity is really just a cover promoting the gay lifestyle. The video is being distributed to 61,000 U.S. elementary schools and features more than 100 cartoon characters, including Sponge Bob, Barney and Big Bird.”

And just when you thought it couldn’t possibly get any sillier, it does.

I for one will sleep better, knowing, that James Dobson is keeping gay cartoon characters on notice. Notice there is no room for any kind of deviant behavior from our Toons, even on bikini bottoms.

Man, talk about believing in a different version of God to justify your income stream. You found a chapter or verse that deals with the sexuality of cartoons?

Would that be out of the book of Snoopy?

You want sexuality in the funny papers… let’s talk Lil’ Abner. Now there were some serious assets on those Toons…Daisy Mae indeed.

And what about Brenda Starr? We are talking well-drawn puberty enhancers there.

But after all, you are a well-informed leader of the church and if God is telling you that Sponge Bob is gay, who am I to question.

I mean Jerry Falwell got the same info on the Teletubbies and outed Twinky. This valuable warning saved clearly endless numbers of children from cartoon hell or worse.

I, for one, will continue to watch carefully what my grandchildren are watching and look for more hidden signs, with the help of Dobson.

OK.. off to watch Roger Rabbit...