Did You See Something Run Across the Carpet?

I think that there is no better sleep then when the person you share your life, and bed with, gets up early and the bed is all yours. This not to say you don’t love the person any less, but now you can stretch for all your worth. It is the best 10 seconds of my life.

The worst sleep is when the thunder shakes our house and I apparently becoming the rallying point for 2 45-pound dogs and my wife. You couldn’t fit lightning between those three and they take on the powers of the dryer thingy that clings to your clothes after they come out of the dryer. You know, the fabric softener sheet that accompanies you to the store or work, generally in a spot only other people can see.

Let’s talk about parking lots and the premature joy you get when you find the elusive parking place. You begin to pull into the spot, only to discover the shopping cart left by your fellow consumer. What does it take to walk your chubby butt 15 feet to put the cart in the cart-gathering corral? I have watched people struggle to get the cart to sit still so they can abandon the damn thing. It seems to take more effort to be an idiot, than it would take to just put it in its right place.

Do you enjoy waving at the moron at the red light, you know the one who just tailgated you and then blew by you to beat you to the traffic light, or is it just me? My wife has a great saying for these fools, “You should have gotten up earlier.” For some odd reason I get a big kick out of it when they blow by you and cut off a ton of folks to get to the mega church.

We had a mouse in our place the other night. We chased it around with a broom for a bit and looked for it with a flashlight and other assorted weapons of WMDS, Weapons of Mouse Destruction. It stayed well hidden and eluded us; we named it Osama. The following day I went to Lowes and bought some mouse catching gear. My daughter claims every time she calls me, I’m at Lowes. I’m not sure what her point is? There are worse habits. So I placed the sticky traps around the house. I did this with a certain amount of remorse realizing this might be a cruel way to go for Osama. But then given the options I assumed it would not simply leave on it’s own. The next morning I was having coffee and shooting it out with drug runners, Scarface is not for the weak of heart, when I heard what sounded like a scream from our living room. Turns out Osama was caught, well, like a mouse in a trap. Let me be the 1st to say that trying to pickup a sticky mouse trap, with a really pissed off mouse, is not easy. Having your spouse next to you shrieking does nothing to enhance this experience.

Later I called Terminix and requested they come out to look at our rodent issue. The representative was shocked that I had used a sticky trap. He explained that these were very bad could lead to all kinds of diseases. It never occurred to me to actually leave the mouse in the trap for days, but hey he is the professional. The following day the “Pro from Dover” showed up and inspected out mouse infested home. He reported back that I had caught the only culprit and that the sticky traps worked really well with Peanut Butter. Apparently he was not aware of the company stance on sticky traps.