Couldn't Make This UP

Chiquita charged in terror investigation

By MATT APUZZO, Associated Press Writer

WASHINGTON - Banana company Chiquita Brands International said Wednesday it has agreed to a $25 million fine and admit paying a Colombian terrorist group for protection in a volatile farming region.
In court documents filed Wednesday, federal prosecutors said the Cincinnati-based company and several unnamed high-ranking corporate officers paid about $1.7 million between 1997 and 2004 to the United Self-Defense Forces of Colombia, known as AUC for its Spanish initials.
The AUC has been responsible for some of the worst massacres in Colombia's civil conflict and for a sizable percentage of the country's cocaine exports. The right-wing group was designated by the U.S. government as a terrorist organization in September 2001.

Oh man, what a Woody Allen movie in the making.

1st they recall peanut butter because it has e-coli happening and now this. Bad spinach, bad lettuce and really, really bad dog and cat food. Starting to think that growing your own is making more sense all the time.

But lets get back to the whole bananas for ransom deal. Is this a common thing? Is Juan Valdez really carrying coffee beans on his burro or is it more of a mule thing? How does one go about paying off guerillas in the 1st place? Who negotiates that deal? Is the protection based on volume or per bunch? If you don’t pay does somebody actually get killed or is the produce merely damaged? This whole story has a certain appeal and could be split in many ways. Is someone known as the king of bananas and in fact is this something you would be promoted to or merely inherit the title. Probably have to peel away at the story to get to the edible parts.

Once in my life I arranged for funds to be given to officials in Mexico to get parts across the border. Is that the same deal? Oh well whole different story.

Think I’ll go find an orange.