“Sure, that sounds good, we’ll take that one”.
And so it began…a seemingly innocent trip on a Saturday to purchase a riding lawn mower from Sears. Sears, the name alone implies ‘toys for guys’…Craftsman tools, Garage stuff and of course, lawnmowers. Sears is about as American as it gets.
But, wait, isn’t this the same Sears that was bought out by K-Mart?
Should this have been a clue? …A shake-up to the very normalcy of my world? ... A blue-light moment?
Ok, so we buy the 20 hp, 42” cutting blade to boot, Sport's car Red, Craftsman 4500. Even better, we are able to buy a “scratch and dent” model for an additional $500.00 off. Sweet!
Since hitting my 50’s, I have looked to find something to replace my Harley. I realized a while back that guys my age were getting killed on their “Hogs” and maybe the reaction time for me wasn’t as quick as it was when I was in my 20’s. Since I am very fond of my wife, daughters and grandkids, selling the bike wasn’t a tough decision. Albeit, I am uncertain how I will look riding my new “Mower” dressed in chaps. I will let you form your own image here.
So, back to the tale of Retail Hell…
We were moving into our new home in Texas on a Friday. We had purchased afore mentioned mower the previous weekend and it was to be delivered on the day after we moved into the new place.
First phone call from Sears...the mower will be delivered 7 days late.
OK, a bit annoying, but hey, in all honesty, we will be fairly busy trying to find matching dishes and underwear for the next week anyway.
The following weekend arrives. Second phone call from my ‘new’ friends at Sears…they have lost my mower. Odd, you wouldn’t think that possible?
Third phone call gives a tad more of an explanation…not really so much a ‘lost’ mower as a “sold it to somebody else mower”.
The following day off we got to “Searsmart.” We meet the Manager of the Department, a tiny woman with a sad expression and attitude that says ‘everything will be just fine.’ She owns up to the shortcomings of her department staff and apparently her distrust of someone named “Vinny” in the Shipping Area.
She then works to find us a larger tractor, 26hp and 48’ cutting width. We come to a mutually agreed price. The new mower will be delivered the following Monday.
Monday arrives… I walk out to investigate what my dogs are barking about from their place on the couch. When it is 92 degrees and 80% humidity, this is THE preferred location for guarding the house.
I open the garage door just in time to watch two teenagers ‘dropping’ my new mower off…in this case, literally. They forgot to bring a ramp so it merely ‘fell’ on its nose from the bed of the F-150.
After making a mental note to mention this to Vinny in Shipping, I wait to watch the rest of the delivery process. The delivery ‘dude’ asked if I had my key for the new mower. Apparently, my blank expression may have answered that for him.
So the 3 Stooges leave me with my new tractor, sans keys and a dent in the front end.
I call Sears. Everyone is in a meeting. I drive to Sears. I find the 4’9’’ Manager and ask her if she just might have my key. After a short explanation of why I feel that Vinny perhaps might not be the real problem, I head home with key in hand.
I put gas into the gas tank, I turn the key and the engine starts. I take my foot off the clutch, engine dies. Repeat this a few times before I call Sears. Sears has their ‘expert’ in the department call me back to discuss what I might be doing wrong.
The ‘expert’ calls and walks me through the process of how to use a riding lawnmower. I explain I have done all the things he has described. He then asks me what color is the mower. (I was unaware that certain colors might affect the running operation of said mower, but, hey.) He puts me on ‘Hold.’ He then comes back and explains that “somehow” I was sold and delivered a mower that was defective and was to have been shipped back to the factory.
Ok, after a few more calls and trips into Sears, the issue is finally resolved. The following day the midget Manager and a sales ‘dude’ deliver a NEW tractor, at a greatly reduced price, and all is over…..or is it?
On the following Saturday, we go into Sears to get an attachment for the mower. I go to the “Pick up Your Stuff Department” and am helped quickly and professionally. As he brings out the spreader, he asks me if I’m also picking up the riding lawn mower or did I want him to have it delivered.
And, you wonder how K-mart was able to buy Sears.
