Letter to My Pets:
When I say to move, it means to go someplace else, not to switch positions with each other so there are still two of you in my way.
The dishes with the paw print are yours and contain your food. All other dishes are mine and contain my food. Please note that placing your paw print in the middle of MY plate and food does not stake a claim making it YOUR plate and food.
The stairway was not designed by NASCAR and is not a racetrack. Beating me to the bottom is not the object. Tripping me doesn't help in your quest to reach the bottom first, because I fall faster than you can run.
I cannot buy anything bigger than a king sized bed. I am very sorry about this. Do not think that I will continue sleeping on the couch to ensure your comfort.
Dogs and cats actually curl up in a ball when they sleep. It is not necessary to sleep perpendicular to one another, stretched out to the fullest extent possible. I also know that sticking tails straight out and having tongues hanging out the other end to maximize space is nothing but sarcasm.
For the last time, there is not a secret exit from the bathroom. If by some miracle I beat you there and manage to get the door shut, it is not necessary to claw, whine, meow, try to turn the knob, or get your paw under the edge of the door and try to pull it open. I must exit through the same door I entered. Honest.
Also, I have been using the bathroom by myself for quite some time -- canine or feline attendance is not mandatory.
I can't stress this one enough -- kiss me, THEN go smell the other dog's/cat's behind.
To pacify you, my dear companions, I have posted the following notice on our front door:
Rules for Non-Pet Owners Who Visit and then Complain About Our Pets ---
1. The pets live here. You don't.
2. If you don't want their hair on your clothes, stay off the furniture. (That's why it's call "fur"niture.)
3. To you, our pets are just animals. To us, they are an adopted son/daughter who happens to be hairy, walks on all fours and doesn't speak clearly.
4. Dogs and cats are better than kids because:
---- they don't ask for money all the time
---- they are easier to train
---- they usually come when called
---- they don't hang out with drug-using friends
---- they don't need a gazillion dollars for a college education, and
---- if they get pregnant, you can sell the children. :)
Friday, January 27, 2006
Sunday, January 22, 2006
Sunday Morning and too Much Coffee
I know a lot about the Carolina Panthers. As a lifelong Seahawks fan I have learned to always have a secondary team to cheer for as the playoffs moved on. With my beloved Hawks generally tanking early in the playoffs (this assumes of course that they have always made it that far to begin with) I have grown accustom to finding another team to get me through to the Super Bowl, thus my knowledge of many other teams in the NFL.
A few years back, when I had a real job, I knew this Human Resources dude. He would always say “I sure hope you have a resume in your back pocket,” This was of course the variation of the “If you don’t have a resume in your back pocket, you’re too stupid to work here.” statement. Great statements made in the business world are very much like “Urban Legends”, it is generally hard to trace the origin of them and who really ever said them the 1'st time.
You know when you stop and think about it, many companies, are just like sports teams. The LA Rams became the St Louis Rams, the Baltimore Colts are the Indy Colts and the Ravens merely bought a new team to an old market, and so on. Exxon merged with Mobil; Chevron is now in bed with Texaco and so on. At some point the lines gets lost and the bad guys are now the good guys and your best opponent is now your boss. Ok it’s a stretch but one I’m willing to ride through.
So back to my original thought, as it were. As a fan of the Seahawks, it has always been a requirement to have another plan and that is why I now find myself cheering against a team I have cheered for in the past, The Panthers have always been the resume in my back pocket. The plan “B” team just in case plan “A” lost early in the playoffs.
The media also has this other plan thing going. I believe that they will spend more time talking about the Patriots or Colts losing, then they ever will about Seattle winning. I told a close friend, if her Steelers were to play the Seahawks in the Super Bowl, they would have to rename it the Rodney Dangerfield bowl. No respect.
A few years back, when I had a real job, I knew this Human Resources dude. He would always say “I sure hope you have a resume in your back pocket,” This was of course the variation of the “If you don’t have a resume in your back pocket, you’re too stupid to work here.” statement. Great statements made in the business world are very much like “Urban Legends”, it is generally hard to trace the origin of them and who really ever said them the 1'st time.
You know when you stop and think about it, many companies, are just like sports teams. The LA Rams became the St Louis Rams, the Baltimore Colts are the Indy Colts and the Ravens merely bought a new team to an old market, and so on. Exxon merged with Mobil; Chevron is now in bed with Texaco and so on. At some point the lines gets lost and the bad guys are now the good guys and your best opponent is now your boss. Ok it’s a stretch but one I’m willing to ride through.
So back to my original thought, as it were. As a fan of the Seahawks, it has always been a requirement to have another plan and that is why I now find myself cheering against a team I have cheered for in the past, The Panthers have always been the resume in my back pocket. The plan “B” team just in case plan “A” lost early in the playoffs.
The media also has this other plan thing going. I believe that they will spend more time talking about the Patriots or Colts losing, then they ever will about Seattle winning. I told a close friend, if her Steelers were to play the Seahawks in the Super Bowl, they would have to rename it the Rodney Dangerfield bowl. No respect.
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