Road Trip Tips, or “Oh my, did you see that?”
When traveling across Texas on Interstate 10, avoid the “Mickey D” in Junction. I know there is no other food for 60 miles, but just keep on driving. A good box of Ritz is always a good plan on extended road trips. If lulled into stopping at afore mention façade of a fast food joint, be prepared for the world’s worst breakfast muffin. It will be cold and as chewy as the cardboard it arrived in. You will also get the extra joy of eggshells in the thing. A trip to the dentist finally got the last pieces out last week.
When booking a room on the river walk in San Antonio, check with the clerk if the concrete pour will actually be happening all night long. The sounds of backup alarms do not, at any point, become white noise. It will wake you up every 20 minutes.
There are no decent motels between El Paso and Phoenix.
Avoid any motel where the dude sitting behind the desk has a chain attached to his wallet. Try as you may, there is no getting beyond the smell of Meth being cooked, kicked in doors in adjacent rooms or boards used to keep out God knows what. Simply march back to the front desk and say “No f#@$%^@ way, I want my money back.” Either way, just get back in the car and keep on driving.
Just south west of Phoenix my wife pointed out what she thought was some act being done by the passenger to the driver of a car weaving at an erratic speed next to us. This was at 7 in the morning after all. I assured her the passenger was merely looking for something she dropped. Briefly afterwards the car slowed in front of us and the passenger leaned out her window and spit something out. Oh man that better wash off. You meet the next people in your Chevrolet.
We smuggled houseplants from Texas. We knew California would check for these, so we hid them under the dirty clothes. We formed a plan to look casual and get through the checkpoint. Apparently there are only certain hours when they check for houseplants and illegal aliens. The hours were clearly posted. We showed up on the off hours. We though about leaving them a plant to brighten up the booth.
So here we are, 6000 miles in road trips in leas then 11 months. Man my butt hurts.
