After six months of international legal wrangling, DNA swabbing and accusations of fraud, a genetic expert announced in a closed-door hearing in Bahamian court Tuesday that the father of Anna Nicole Smith’s child is Larry Birkhead.
Poppycock!
I have no idea how Mr. Birkhead stole my DNA but clearly he has, the kid is mine and he knows it. However all things considered I think it only reasonable that relinquish my rights in this matter for a small monetary consideration. So for the small amount of monies, let us say the cost of a nice beachfront property in Newport Beach, I am more then man enough to walk away. Certainly this is in the best interest of the little kid, girl right?
Just so this doesn’t happen again I will soon publish a list of all the women I have slept with, and possibly impregnated, in the near future. This list will be a legally binding document and should be good for an indefinite period of time. Out of discretion and respect I will release the names one at time, somewhere around the second trimester and an audit of bank statements and real estate holdings. A gentleman never tells.
I would also like to add that this includes all of the sperm banks I have been generous enough to donate to. Thus the adopting of babies in foreign countries is clearly covered by this document.
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