now you tell me

 

A great one from reader and buddy tim

I was depressed last night so I called Lifeline.
Got a call center in Pakistan . I told them I was suicidal.
They got all excited and asked if I could drive a truck.

Oh Wow

Colo. church gunman 'hated Christians'

By JUDITH KOHLER, Associated Press Writer

COLORADO SPRINGS, Colo. - The deadly shooting sprees at a mega-church and a missionary training school were believed to have been carried out by the same person — a 24-year-old suburban Denver man who "hated Christians," a law enforcement official told The Associated Press.

There are so many things disturbing about this story it is hard to know where to begin. The sheer senseless acts of violence are off the scale but even that doesn’t come close to touching the almost surreal feel of the entire thing.

You have such an amount of self-loathing that you simply grab a gun and shoot up a mall, a school and now a church or 2? I worry so much less about global warming then I do about this. When did this insane behavior become all the “rage”? It seems the world is just crammed full with angry young men with guns.

And yet here is the oddest of things about this Church shooting. The dude was shoot and killed by an armed security guard at the church? You need armed security at a church; ok clearly in this case you did, but still… I worked in places that actually had legitimate reasons for security, but we didn’t give them guns. A sad,sad state of affairs.

And now they call him lefty

 

RNPS PICTURES OF THE YEAR - A crocodile at a zoo in the southern Taiwan city of Kaohsiung holds the forearm of a zoo veterinarian in between its teeth, April 11, 2007. The crocodile bit off the arm of the zoo veterinarian treating it, an official reported. .

And This Weeks Idiots

Bush: Iran still a danger despite report WASHINGTON - Defending his credibility, President Bush said Tuesday that Iran is dangerous and must be squeezed by international pressure despite a blockbuster intelligence finding that Tehran halted its nuclear weapons program four years ago.

Bush said the new conclusion — contradicting earlier U.S. assessments — would not prompt him to take off the table the possibility of pre-emptive military action against Iran. Nor will the United States change its policy of trying to isolate Iran diplomatically and punish it with sanctions, he said.

Romney fires landscaper over illegals By GLEN JOHNSON, Associated Press Writer
37 minutes ago


MEREDITH, N.H. - Republican Mitt Romney, ridiculed by rival Rudy Giuliani for employing illegal immigrants at his "sanctuary mansion," said Tuesday he had fired the landscaper for his suburban Boston home after learning for a second time about undocumented workers laboring on the property.

a second time you say..

Love this joke Thanks Tim

I was shopping at the local supermarket, where I selected:
A half-gallon of 2% milk,
A carton of eggs,
A quart of orange juice,
A head of romaine lettuce,
A 2 lb. can of coffee, and
A 1 lb. package of bacon.

As I was unloading my items on the conveyor belt to check out, a drunk
standing behind me watched as I placed the items in front of the cashier.
While the cashier was ringing up the purchases, the drunk calmly stated,
'You must be single.'

I was a bit startled by this proclamation, but I was intrigued by the
derelict's intuition, since I was indeed single. I looked at the six items
on the belt and saw nothing particularly unusual about my select ions that
could have tipped off the drunk to my marital status. Curiosity getting the
better of me, I said: 'Well, you know what, you're absolutely right, but how
on earth did you know that'

The drunk replied, 'Cause you're ugly.'

Yep, no reason to make this stuff up

Roberts says God forced his resignation By JUSTIN JUOZAPAVICIUS, Associated Press Writer
2 hours, 2 minutes ago



TULSA, Okla. - Richard Roberts told students at Oral Roberts University Wednesday that he did not want to resign as president of the scandal-plagued evangelical school, but that he did so because God insisted.

God told him on Thanksgiving that he should resign the next day, Roberts told students in the university's chapel.

Oh please, what next you will die if you don't raise money??
Oh Wait that was daddy's deal....
Who believes these clowns.

Just a running joke on this idiot

 

An opponent to President Hugo Chavez, left, uses an iron stick to hit a Chavez supporter during a rally against the reforms to the nation's constitution proposed by the president in Puerto La Cruz, Venezuela, Tuesday, Nov. 27, 2007. Venezuelans will vote to approve or reject the reforms in a referendum on Dec. 2. (AP Photo/Angel Manzanares)

And now

CARACAS, Venezuela - Venezuela threatened Wednesday to expel a U.S. Embassy official for allegedly conspiring to defeat a referendum championed by President Hugo Chavez, accusing the diplomat of plotting to sway public opinion.


and...

CARACAS, Venezuela - Venezuelan President Hugo Chavez said Wednesday he was cutting off all contacts with the Colombian government, but left it unclear whether he was announcing an end to diplomatic relations between the two countries.

and...
Venezuelans protest Chavez's referendum By FABIOLA SANCHEZ, Associated Press Writer
51 minutes ago



CARACAS, Venezuela - More than 100,000 people flooded the streets of the capital Thursday to oppose a referendum that would eliminate term limits for President Hugo Chavez and help him establish a socialist state in Venezuela.

Blowing whistles, waving placards and shouting "Not like this!" the marchers carried Venezuelan flags and dressed in blue — the chosen color of the opposition — as they streamed along Bolivar Avenue.

"This is a movement by those of us who oppose a change to this country's way of life, because what (the referendum) aims to do is impose totalitarianism," said former lawmaker Elias Matta. "There can't be a communist Venezuela, and that's why our society is reacting this way."

And you don't want the death penalty?

 

GALVESTON — The 2-year-old girl known as Baby Grace was beaten with leather belts, held under water in a bathtub and slammed onto a tile floor in July, according to a statement her mother gave to investigators.

Riley Ann Sawyers' little body was then kept in a plastic container for up to two months at the Spring residence of her mother, Kimberly Dawn Trenor, 19, and Trenor's husband, Royce Clyde Zeigler II, 24, until they threw the box into West Galveston Bay, according to Trenor's statement released Monday.

No words can begin to come close to the rage and disgust I feel about this story.
You not only killed your child but took great pains to toss in torture and a level of anger that boggles the mind. She was only 2 and she was your daughter.
I am pleased you are in Texas and hope you are moved to the front of the express lane on death row.

ok..you fill in the caption

 

Burning Down the House

Firemen told to abstain from sexual bribes

Fri Nov 16, 10:28 AM ET
BEIJING (Reuters) - China has banned fire department officials from receiving sexual favors as bribes from companies seeking their business, local media reported on Friday.

Ok then perhaps I should have looked closer into this whole firefighting deal for a living.

Lets explore this shall we; you get sex for putting out fires? Does this have anything to do with the size of the fire or the attractiveness of the homeowner? Can you be selective in this regard or you pull out the hose you take your chances?

I was totally unaware that firefighting could actually be a bid-based industry or that you could in fact be selective on where you actually perform your duty. Clueless into the whole fire fighting for profit deal let alone for a little extra treatment from the grateful client.

The article goes on to say:

“For every 10 corrupt officials, nine are involved in illicit sex. This old tune has already been proved by statistics from disciplinary organs many times," Xinhua said.

“Statistics from disciplinary organ?”

Who is the one getting these stats and exactly from what organ?

Oh well time to go polish up the old pumper truck.

There is always a downside

I am happy for my 90-year-old father-in-law that his beloved Red Sox won the World Series last night. As a Sox fans, since his teens, he has been blessed to see them overcome the curse of the Bambino and take the title in 2003 and yet again 4 years later accomplish this once more in a grand style.

Now comes the downside, his equally rabid Boston fan daughter, will now make our home a 24 hour 7 monument to teams from Boston. I will be greeted with “hey we won the World Series” and “the Patriots are undefeated you know” for the next week at least.
Our home already has an autographed Curt Schilling baseball from the 2003 series, the bloody sock and an autographed jersey. Various hats and shirts for both the Red Sox and Patriots and several other odd tributes adorn other parts of the house as well.

The angst that surrounds me of course comes for my semi loyalty to the Seattle Seahacks and the Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim. The good news on Seattle was that they went undefeated this weekend: they had the week off. The angels are still trying to decide what city it is they really play for. Look just because you couldn’t but the Dodgers is no reason to be allowed to change the name and location of the team you were able to purchase. What next, “the San Diego Padres just 80 miles south of Los Angeles”?

I would like to think that when any Team I cheer for defeats a team my wife is a fanatic over, that I would take the high road and not gloat. Of course we all know better. There is as much chance of that as there is in Bill Buckner being able to catch a simple base hit up the 1st base line.

thanks for not letting Michael Vick adopt me

 

Bite Me

So today I worked on a test golf ball retriever, of sorts. It is a bit like a gill net to be honest. Ok it’s a basket off a kid’s bike with baler twine. It needs a bit of work, but I was able to get 157 balls. Not too bad for a prototype, modifications and testing will continue in the AM.

Luckily I am not burdened with a staff of accounting folks, and to ease the effort even more, there is no one professing to be a “procurement specialist” to bid the entire process out. This of course would result in an inferior product that would loss all the positive economics of said project.

Year’s back our procurement group became centralized out of Los Angeles. Procurement had not only become useless but now they were in fact not even on site to vent to. About this time all the buyers in this group began to sign all their emails and so on with the title of CPM. Certified Purchasing Manager. At the time I was the materials dude for engineering. I made sure you got what you needed when you needed it worked hard not to lose things in the bowels of Procurement. I thought, well I need a title as well, so I began signing all my emails with CPE. A few days later I received an irate call from the head of purchasing, sorry, procurement in Los Angeles. I knew it wasn’t going to be pretty because a: he was an asshole and b: he had me on speakerphone.
He demanded to know what my new title meant and who had given me the authority to use it.

I explained that CPE stood for Cherry Point Expeditor and that the approval process ended with me. He assured me that I would be fired; a year later he left the company and ended up in Backwater Louisiana. A friend of mine retired as the VP for European operations for Lucent. He said when he 1st began working out of university that he had to rotate through several jobs. He concluded that purchasing folks were a lot like military police, if you can’t any place to put them then put them there. There is a God and he has a great sense of humor, if you don’t believe that look around you.

Back to the golf ball hunt. I was driving my cart heading for yet another pond to test my new ball gizmo. I looked up and saw an old dude waving me down. I of course have a huge amount of respect for old duds and headed in his direction. He was clearly agitated.

He demanded to know what I was doing. I was thinking about asking him who dressed him and did he know his hairpiece was crooked. I explained I was doing a research project on run away golf balls. He asked if I knew that it was against the bylaws to take golf balls from the ponds, unless I was collecting them for the “Kids” My 1st thought was what in the world would Jerry’s Kids need golf balls for? Can they actually play golf and if so you might parade some of those out during the Labor Day marathon. It would be quite inspiring. “Little Tommy” is lining up his putt and trying to ignore the wheel track marks left by his playing Partner”.

Anyway, old dud is now waxing on about how he and his buddy Howard have collected balls for years for the youth league at our club. I avoid mentioning that the youth league only began this year, of course he is 70 so perhaps he thinks I’m part of the youth league.

After a bit he gets around to asking me what I am using to retrieve balls. I explain and he informs that he and his buddy have a much better device. I assure him he is God and his buddy Howard most certainly is a close second. He tells me it is ok for me to continue my search if I promise to donate a portion of my ill-gotten gains to the Kids. I assure him that would be happy to do just that. I have found a bunch of range balls and flying pink ladies I will happily donate.

ok then

All bets and being polite are off.

In Search of the Perfect Ball

So here I sit washing my balls and wondering what it takes to get them clean. The wire brush works, but I hate to think of the damage it might be doing. So now I am trying a solution of hot water and bleach and just letting them soak for an hour.

A number of years ago my wife and I worked for the same employer, it’s how we met. One day someone decided to alter a Dilbert cartoon to point out his or her personal opinion of the 2 of us. The modified “toon” indicated the only reason I even worked for the company was because of my wife, they then went onto imply that she was not a good employee and all I did was work on my golf ball collection. The cartoon was mailed to all the managers and my wife and myself. The company simply dismissed it as a prank from an hourly employee, I have long known who the individual was and rest assured it was neither a prank or the author just an hourly employee. Regardless everyone has moved on since that day, and I have finally gotten around to that golf ball collection.

I play a lot of golf; much of it is not played well. The course I belong to has a lot of water on it, combine that fact with my erratic play and the end result is a bunch of wet and lost balls. I am clearly not the only contributor in this matter.

A few weeks back the weather began to change and the various ponds began to clear and it became easier to see the half sunken balls in the water. On one slow day of golf, this is best defined as following 2 golfers in their 70’s playing every shot as if their last penny is at stake. I took the opportunity to take out my ball retriever and attempt to recover a few balls. The 1st days I recovered a dozen or so balls, the following day a few more…
Yesterday was my best day, recovering over 75 balls and my collection is now nearing 300.

I decided to see which balls had the biggest desire to go swimming with the fishes. So here is a small breakdown for you.

#1 Titleist, apparently the number one ball in golf because of the sheer number of lost balls.

#2 Top Flite, often referred to as “top rock” by avid golfers and Titleist purists.

#3 Nike, if it works for Tiger it must work for me.

Calloway is near the bottom of the list, not sure why but it may have to do the price of these. I always buy recycled balls from Fred Myer; my game wouldn’t know the difference between a ballata and a soft cover. Paying $15.00 dollars for a sleeve (a sleeve = 3 balls) seems a bit over the top for me.

There were a number of balls I had never heard of and 2 range balls, one was a stolen range ball from the city of Burnaby, as clearly stated on the ball. Someone actually took the time to drive, in a car, it over the US border just to lose it in our little pond.

The one ball that I really wonder about is the Maxfli “Noodle” which makes claims to the fact that it is long and soft. Is that an oxymoron?

It only took 7 years but I finally got around to actually collecting golf balls and I can only hope that the author of the initial cartoon has had more success in personal attacks on other employees. My understanding is that it was hardly the last of the anonymous mailings and said author continues to flourish. But hey at least I have some balls.

Renters

Ok golf is tough enough without the distractions.

The other day I was playing golf with friends on our local course. Homes pretty well run along some of the fairways, many of which I am more then just a little familiar with. On this particular hole I had missed the green to the right and was looking at a tough little chip shot that would require just enough loft to clear the bank, but not too much to run off the postage stamp green. This green sits next to a road, which of course has homes on the side away from the golf course. In the middle of my back swing I heard the following declaration. “So he lets the cops look in his truck, can you freaking (cleaned up version) believe that?” I was actually able to not follow trough with the swing and backed away from my ball. Across the street was a blonde woman in her 20’s or so. She was pacing up and down the driveway and occasionally walking up the homemade skateboard ramp. All the while chatting loudly into a hand held phone the entire time. She went on to explain that not only was the mysterious “him” dumb enough to let the cops search his truck but that she in fact “Would have had to have seen a bigger name on any freaking search warrant before I would let some cop look in my freaking car” she exclaimed the point by saying “That’s the way I roll!!!”

Ok now all four of us are now watching this little tidbits from “Cops” unfold.

First of all, I don’t actually know anyone who would be in need of a search of his or her vehicle.
Secondly, if I did I am unclear why I would feel the urge to broadcast this information quite so loudly.
Third, I have never had the need or found a place that required the use of the term “That’s just how I roll.’
And finally, hey trying to play golf here.

We managed to play through and yet on the next hole, a bit of a distance, we are all informed that yes in fact the unknown “him” was in fact back in jail. Not going to jail mind you, but “back” to jail.

And I thought playing golf with my friend Howard was tough.

Tonights Menu

The smells coming from our kitchen were unbelievable. I had been doing some work outside and the aroma of chicken and various vegetables enticed me back into the house. A whole chicken was cleaned and seasoned; it took its place in the deep pan with celery, tomato, sliced and diced carrots and onions. I watched as my wife added broths and assorted things into this evening’s generous dinner. I began looking through our wines to pick the perfect match for the meal that filled the house with its overwhelming temptation for the taste buds.
Our dogs sat patiently at the chef’s feet and scrambled to clean up any dropped morsel. I smiled knowing they might get a treat or 2 from the now slowly cooking food.

I turned on the football game and settled down for a wee nap, a newly acquired pleasure I have discovered. 5 minutes apparently became an hour. I woke to my wife asking me something that sounded like “What do you want for dinner?’ I knew I must still be half asleep, certainly the smells in the house indicated dinner was all but done. Once again the question “What do you want for dinner?”

Ok now I am awake. “I thought we were having chicken?” I asked.

“Oh no, that’s for the girls (girls=dogs at our home)” responded my beaming bride. “How about pizza for us?”

As the dogs ate their dinner I wondered if Molly was actually smiling at me and wishing me luck with the pizza.

Of course it has been explained to me how much healthier these meals are for our dogs and we are certainly saving money over canned dog foods. And yet when I see the Tupperware containers of “dog food” in our fridge…I wonder if anyone would notice…

You Little Bastards

Shaw remembers its friends
Landry Barbieri
BC Staff Writer
Published September 24, 2007 3:14 PM CDT

Members of the Shaw community gathered in the parking lot of Leadway Grocery Store on Friday to remember Alfred Quong and Sophia Jung, both of whom were shot and killed while tending the store on Sept. 19. Area clergy and friends of the dead spoke to a crowd of nearly 150, offering words of comfort and condolence.

So it seems way more personal when it is someone you know. My wife went to school with the children of the 2 folks shot to death in Shaw Mississippi. Not so far from home when you realize how close it all runs. My wife’s family also ran a grocery store in the Mississippi Delta. Being Chinese in the Deep South puts you somewhere between the polarized divisions of black and white. You get to be the acceptable minority.

My father-in-laws greatest fear was being robbed. At times like these you sense how truly blessed he was. Shaw, not unlike Rosedale, is a place you would never get much thought to. Other then thinking getting out of your car might not be the wisest move. They are both poor beyond imagination. Metal roofed shacks line Highway 61. Cars abandoned in front yards and desperation of a place stuck somewhere in the 50’s or 60’s of the last decade. Work is sparse and even the heat and humidity feels like a large hand pushing you firmly to an area that escape seems hard to imagine. And yet in the midst of all of this small grocery stores popped up. Many of these run by the Delta Chinese, a term coined by PBS some years back. Immigrants, who saw something the rest of the country had long stopped seeing, started many of these. It was not unusual to find it all at these stores. Here there weren’t separate entrances for Blacks or Whites, you were simply a customer. In many cases entire families, usually with an adjoining house, ran the stores.
Here you could buy food on credit or perhaps in trade for some work or a chicken you had gleamed from your farm.

The last time we were back in Mississippi, we drove by my wife’s family store. Long ago sold to another Chinese family. It sat in a part of town that is surrounded by juke joints and boarded up stores. Most businesses had long since given up on the murder capital of Mississippi, once again the Chinese had not. I suspect we will never again visit Rosedale. Our dear friend and teacher Miss Katherine finally decide it was time to go chat with God on a fulltime basis. She decided that 98 was more then her fair share of time in the Delta, I find a week is more then enough time there for me.

So last week 2 teenagers walked into a grocery store in Shaw. Their families were more then likely customers over the years. They may have been one of the many that Alfred Quong had helped over the years. I suspect he even greeted them by name. They then shot Alfred Quong and Sophia Jung in the head and took what little money that was there and ran away. I struggle with rage and complete intolerance at this moment. I also have an even bigger amount of respect for my Father and Mother-in-law. I continue to marvel at the world that raised my wife and shake my head when I realize the courage she carries in her.

On being 55

I was watching a show on PBS called life (part2). It dealt with the aging process and what do we do with ourselves after we retire. I retired at 48 and still haven’t worked out the finer details at 55. The show discussed the concept of reinventing ourselves and finding value in our old age. I think I have the reinvention part down; I’m just not sure where to take it. Many folks still struggle with my use of my birth name as opposed to the tacky nickname given to me by my parents. My family struggles with it mostly. Some people of very little importance, or depth, also struggle with it from my former life as an employee.

On that note I just wanted to say I have never felt more alive and loved. My golf game has actually become a passion, I currently suspect my driver of being involved with my 9-iron, thus causing a sad breakdown in my game. I will explore this further.
I have found joy in remodeling stuff. I am not overly picky about what I remodel. You might actually find it odd that my workbench is tile covered.

What was I going to do with all those odd pieces left over from construction?

I have rediscovered a love and amazement with God. I struggle with the appropriate label.

Based on my interaction with most Christians I find a huge admiration for my Jewish friends. I think they have the original manuscript.

I went from a Republican to a so so something else. I just worry when Oprah can define a candidate…

I fear that our young are a generation molded by us, who were at best miserable examples. We lacked teaching values or pride. Our bad on a universal scale.

I love the voice of a friend over the phone and a hug from people I love. I am happily moved by a hug from a stranger.

I think Field of Dreams one of the best movies ever made.

I also know that 6 years ago I stood in my kitchen and watched the second tower of the World Trade Center be hit by and airplane.

I know I was not the only one changed by that day.

Please Wash Your Hands

Craig reconsiders decision to resign

By JOHN MILLER, Associated Press Writer 42 minutes ago

BOISE, Idaho - One of Sen. Larry Craig's lawyers said Wednesday the Senate has no business looking into the conduct of one of its own following Craig's guilty plea in connection with an airport men's room sex sting.
An unbroken line of precedents dating back 220 years makes clear the Senate does not consider misdemeanor private conduct to be a fit subject of inquiry, Washington attorney Stan Brand asserted after aides to Craig said the senator is reconsidering his decision to resign.

Ok then, as some of you may have noticed, I have pretty well taken the summer off. I discovered I had a blood pressure issue to deal with as well as a golf game that had pretty well gone to seed.
The BP is fine now, well at least my BP, and the golf game is pretty well all over the place.

But hey this Bozo is clearly enough to bring back the urge to write once more.

Dude pick a stall, I mean a stand. You can’t just walk up and down the tiled floor of life looking for a place to land. Peeking here and there for a final resting place and moving forward with a plan. One day you’re innocent the next, a little less.

I know you are just a friendly guy who is not afraid to strike up a friendship in any place, up to and including a bathroom stall in an airport. Why hell doesn’t everyone find that the perfect place to make new friends? You are beyond a flake; you have raised the bar even higher.

Hey get a grip and have a safe flight. I sense you have no shortage of delusional locations to land.

Idiots

Vick to court next week, not camp
By HANK KURZ Jr., AP Sports Writer 22 minutes ago
RICHMOND, Va. - When a Bad Newz Kennels dog was wounded in a losing fight, NFL star Michael Vick was consulted before the animal was doused with water and electrocuted. That's just one of the gruesome details that emerged Tuesday when the Atlanta Falcons quarterback and three others were indicted by a federal grand jury.

Ok, for the sake of argument, let us go with the old rule of thumb “innocent till proven guilty.” Let’s say that indeed Mr. Vick was unaware that his cousin was using Mr. Vick’s property to train and fight dogs. Perhaps indeed it was just people taking advantage of Mr. Vick’s generous and gracious nature. But then again let’s say the charges are true…

If that indeed is the case I don’t think the Vickster will have any fans left whom even remotely like dogs. I also think if found guilty of course, he and the other defendants should be put inside the same pit and fight till one of them is killed or surrenders. The loser of course would be doused in water and electrocuted…only seems fair.

I’m not sure who is guilty yet; the trail will be postponed at least through the end the 07 season. But if Pacman Jones and Tank Johnston are on suspension…duh!!!

What a bunch of twisted sick bastards.

And We loved Her So

Thanks Miss Katherine..words can never what you shared with us..

Katherine Kinard Caldwell
Katherine Kinard Caldwell of Rosedale died Wednesday, July 11, 2007.
Katherine was born Aug. 27, 1909, and lived her entire 98 years in Rosedale. Katherine was the daughter of Bedey Belton Kinard, a railroad company employee, and Belle Kelly Kinard, who ran a thriving boarding house near the railroad station in Rosedale in the early 1900’s.
Katherine derived great happiness from her farming career, which she pursued with vigor and determination following the death of her husband, J.W. (Jim) Caldwell in 1960. During several of her farming years, Katherine’s horticultural expertise distinguished her as the producer of the highest cotton yield per acre in Bolivar County.
Upon retiring from farming, Katherine maintained a magnificent garden at her home. Her bright and fragrant flower border and her sharp wit drew friends and admires of all ages to sit, visit and enjoy. Katherine’s friends and admires are invited to get together for a celebration of her life at her home this Sunday, July 15, 2007, at four o’clock in the afternoon.

When it says Libby Libby on the Label Label

China executes ex-food and drug chief

By ANITA CHANG, Associated Press Writer Tue Jul 10, 3:05 PM ET
BEIJING - China executed a former director of its food and drug agency Tuesday for approving fake medicine in exchange for cash, illustrating how serious Beijing is about tackling product safety, while officials announced steps to safeguard food at next summer's Olympic Games.


Ok then, that’s what I’m talking about…break the law and you pay for it. What lesson can we learn here boys and girls. Mostly I think Scooter Libby is a lucky dude that he lives where he lives. No “oh the punishment was too harsh” bullshit.

Well it is a short Whiner, but hey golf season is here.

OH, Is That High????

So I went to the dentist for a checkup and came out with high blood pressure. Go figure.

Don’t get me wrong here, going to the dentist and the thought of flying jacks up my bp. Actually working for bp had the same affect. I decided that maybe at 55 it might be time to actually see a doctor. My doctor is around 14. I know he claims to be in his 30’s but to me he looks like a kid. There is something about sitting in a room with Mickey Mouse on the blue and pink walls that is pretty surreal all by it self. But then throw in Dougie Houser in the mix, and you do in fact feel like you might have missed a few years of reality.

Nothing says get your head out of your butt more then being told that your are leading the race toward a stroke. Long story short I have suspected that I may have had an issue quite a few years ago. Perhaps even avoiding discussing anything about health issues should have been a tip off. I blame this entirely on a former relationship with a full-blown hypochondriac. Something about going to see a doctor every 3 days for 10 years might just do that.

Regardless, I now take the same bp meds as my 90-year-old father-in-law. He revels in this info and he seems much more thrilled by this small bit of shared medical marvel then me. I remain hopeful that all my life changes will reverse this flaw. I’m also hopeful that world peace will start soon and that Salma Hayek will call to see if we can do lunch.

Speaking of things I need to get around to, fairly soon, if you listen to Dr. Houser, I need to probably make a list.

Quit smoking.
Lose 20 to 30 pounds.
Lose about 20 ounces of Starbucks a day. “Try the Decaf” jumps to mind.
Quit snickering at the old men, mp3 player in place, walking through the state park. Perhaps driving by with a smoke and Starbucks has not been the wisest of lifestyle choices…

Oh ya, and lighten up. There is an old saying that says “Don’t push the river, it will flow by itself”; I believe that will be lesson # 2, smoking still comes 1st.

And the Horse You Rode in on

In his book, Carlos Castaneda's Don Juan's Teachings, there is some discussion in regards to anger. It is not the only time a theme has been written on the subject, but for some reason, the one I always recall.
To sum it up rather loosely, it describes anger as a valuable human emotion that should rarely be wasted on other human being. I believe this to be a valuable nugget of advice: I wish I were always more true to following it.

I like music loud when the mood is right, I rarely find a mood that applies this same sentiment to people. Loud people put my last nerve at bay and for some reason I have over compensated by speaking too quietly, or as my wife states, mumble. Combine the loud gene with the anger spectrum and I generally will not have a fun time; I will find a headache somewhere in the mix.

It is probably a very large stretch to blame all the world’s evils on anger, but then again it probably ties into the equation somewhere. I often wonder what and whom we are really pissed at when we lose this important emotion. I also wonder why we feel that the best way to deal with anger is to become even more angry and simply escalate the entire scene to a pretty well no win ending. Hey don’t get me wrong here, I am perfectly capable of losing it myself, many a defenseless golf club has met with a bruised fate in my life. I have said things to other people in anger that I will never be able to retrieve and I fear along with that loss I have lost or damaged friendships.

A number of years back I was nearing the end of my time with the company I had worked with since I was 19. It was a moment I both looked forward to and at the same dreaded. I was speaking with a very good friend of mine from California. He was telling me about a colleague who had accepted a position in a hospital in the greater Seattle area. His friend commented that the good news was that he would be leaving California; the bad news was that he was leaving California. It is pretty well was how I felt about my career change.

During this time I was working on a “Smart Buy” agreement for dealing with facility maintenance. “Smart Buy”(also used to indicate the best buy on canned beans at Ralph’s), was a term ‘coined‘ by our company’s purchasing group, it was based on the assumption that if a hot dog was good at a Denny’s in New York, then all hot dogs made by Denny’s were good anywhere in the world. This logic would apply even if you had to build a Denny’s at locations that didn’t currently have one. Albeit the math was fussy…

Regardless, during my meetings with a vendor in regards to afore mentioned “smart buy” I found myself not completely engaged in the presentation. I was weeks away from retiring and sitting through this canned song and dance was wearing me out. At some point the vendor touched something in my office, although I don’t recall what he touched; it was enough to send me into a rant. I lost my temper, told the guy to get out of my ^%*&(*# office and so on. In hindsight the guy wasn’t doing anything other then his job, what I was doing was yelling at him for being around me when I wasn’t in the mood. I was still working out the details of my future.

A few years later I was looking for something to do. I was informed about a company that was looking for a facility manager. I was interested and looked to forward my resume. I was then given the contact name; karma is a funny thing and somehow I knew the guy who I tossed out of my office years before was not going to be offering me a job very soon.

Is Elsie Really a Happy Cow...your wake up call

As milk prices continue to soar and effect of global warming continues, isn’t it about time you asked yourselves, “What is Your Calcium Hoof Print”?

Is your addiction with milk and other dairy products so out of control that you may in fact be part of the herd mentality that is bringing the barn down? Have you consider the udder insanity of the thoughtless use of dairy? Do we think that there is an endless supply of this calcium-based food? Will we become a nation subjected to the whims of OMEC, (The Organization of the Milk Exporting Countries)and their control of the raw milk supply?

These countries of course consist of The Netherlands, a bunch of dope smoking cheese eaters, the Swiss, clock and jackknife wielding bankers and of course the dreaded Canadians and their desire to rule the world through the use Alex Trevek and that dude married to Suzanne Summers.

At anytime these folks are more then willing to shut off the supply, clamp down on the teat so to speak, and bring us all to economic ruin and dependency on foreign cows. We need to ask ourselves if we are willing to make personal sacrifice and give up our SUV (super udder volume) and perhaps look at alternative foods.

Perhaps we consider Cowpooling and not insist on our own Holstein. Consider the use of Park and Milk lots as a boost to the environment.

Lets consider the use of turning corn into dairy, “Ethamilk” could save this country and reduce milk house emissions in half, give or take a bunch of degrees. Hey would the corn lobby make this stuff up? Perhaps we liberate the Dutch from Queen “what’s her name”. We could call it “Operation Enduring Orange Family Removal and give us your cows while we are”.

Let your conscience be your guide and pass the Gouda.

Oh It's Lady Night

Lawyer: Hilton well after night in jail

By AMANDA BECK, Associated Press Writer Tue Jun 5, 7:36 AM ET
LYNWOOD, Calif.

Paris Hilton was doing well after spending her first night of her probation sentence in solitary confinement at a Los Angeles County jail, her lawyer said Monday.

“She's using this time to reflect on her life, to see what she can do to make the world better and hopefully, in my opinion, to change the attitudes that exist about her among many people," attorney Richard A. Hutton told reporters after visiting Hilton.

Well now, there is a relief, knowing that Paris will be reflecting on how to make our world a better place to live in. Certainly when I think about great leaders in this world, her name jumps to mind, right after Gandhi and the like.

Can anyone explain the importance of this person…anyone?

I thought not.

We have created a pseudo “Royal Family” in this country. We continue to parade out the spoiled kids of equally screwed up parents. If my generation is the “Helicopter Parents”, then these folks are the Apache attack helicopter version.

We pretend that the Lindsay Lohans, Nicole Richies and the Spears of this world actually have something to offer? I hope that it is just a phase, but somehow I fear we are slowly slipping into an area of no return. We will minimize just about everything and rely on our play stations, and text messaging to fill all our basic needs. I have the Internet, I really have no real reason to leave my house, and it is all just a “Google” search away.

Ok time to play Pebble Beach with Tiger on my Play Station.

Venting Here

I thought it would be a good time to vent a touch.


Vandals burn flags on vets' graves, put swastikas on some
By The Associated Press

ORCAS ISLAND, San Juan County — Vandals burned dozens of small American flags that decorated veterans' graves for Memorial Day and replaced many of them with hand-drawn swastikas, authorities said Monday.
Charred flag tatters were found still attached to 33 small flag standards at Woodlawn Cemetery, while 46 of the standards were found empty Sunday, authorities said.
Sheets of paper bearing swastikas drawn with what appeared to be red and black felt-tipped pens had been taped to 14 of the vandalized flag standards, Sheriff Bill Cumming said.

How proud you must feel and I can only imagine the sheer pride your parents must feel giving birth to such wonderful children.

This is a small community graveyard and I suspect many of these vets were from the World War II generation. A part of the society I hold in the highest regard. To say this is a proud generation would hardly do them justice.

So along comes little Johnny and his pack of loser friends and they don’t even have a clue to begin to understand the sheer stupidity of their little prank. What part of your pee brain think this was in anyway the right or fun thing to do. How screwed up his your lazy fat ass? Not once, but twice you did this. If you put half the effort into being productive maybe we could have avoided this inane act.
Get a fricking life you bottom feeders.

Oh and now to a more fun subject.

You, ya you, the fat chick in the pink blouse driving your Subaru, on my bumper while chatting on your cell. I did not post the speed limit; I simply try to follow it. Your one handed weaving, albeit impressive, is annoying. Can’t you wait to get home to have this long drawn out conversation? IS there something so attractive about my license plate that you need to be close enough to touch it for 4 miles?

Take this is with all the warmth it is intended. Pink is not slimming, it merely says I am hurrying home to watch Springer while I stuff my face with Pork Rhines; you are what you eat. You are the poster child for laws against cells in cars, and I suspect this merely begins to cover the various things you could be a role model for. Miss Trailer Trash of the month jumps to mind. You are probably a renter.

Thanks I feel better.

"The Shot"

Someone once said, “Golf and sex are the only 2 things in life you don’t have to be good at to enjoy.” I disagree on the golf part. Though I would agree that golf does have a tendency to mimic the rest of your life. I have always found that if you want to get down to the core of a person, play golf with them. This is generally easier then inviting them over for sex. During a round of golf you often see behaviors that you might not otherwise see, or have some of these habits confirmed.

I have never put enough time into golf. I can count the number of times I have actually gone to a driving range or a practice facility. My idea of warming up for a round of 18 was to show up, have a smoke and a cup of coffee. My “game” has reflected this stellar workout regime. I have, over time, fallen into “better golf through technology”. If it cost a bunch of money it must help to improve my game. A bit like William Hung buying a better microphone.

So this year I have opted to actually spend sometime on improving my game. I try to play at least 9-holes a day and am considering going to a driving range. I am also working at being a non-smoker, so you might reconsider any attempts to give friendly advice at this juncture. I am beginning to see a ray of hope and some improvement.

So the other day I am teeing off at our home course on number 6. A pretty straight away shot to say the least. I has a rule do not go left on my drives; going right is my claim to fame. As I connected with the ball I was amazed to see it not only go left but take a 45% and slam, and I mean “Slam”, into an all glass house. I knew I had broken something. I drove over with checkbook in hand and went to investigate. The owner, who was an incredibly friendly man in his 80’s, met me. He and I looked for the damage and could not find any; he then located my errant ball and wished me luck in my round.
Ok so 3 days later I noticed a flyer at the pro shop, which indicated something had been broken and the homeowner was opening the mystery golfer, would identify himself. Of course I did and all is well.
The following day I hit the house next door to the glass house. I no longer use my driver on #6.

So yesterday I come upon #6/15. I have a fairly good round going and the fear of the previously noted homes could easily knock me off track. I opt to hit a rescue club, I of course chunk the shot and it lands some 170 yards from the green. Also I have blindsided myself behind a tree. These trees look a lot like the apple trees in the Wizard of Oz. I take out my new Taylor Made 6 Hybrid club. I hit a perfect shot that clears the trees and lands on the postage stamp they call a green on the back 9. I am stunned; I know I will never hit a better shot ever again. For a brief second I consider retiring from golf on a high note. Just walk off in the sunset and just let my legend live on as the golfer that hit the “Shot”.

I missed the easy birdie putt and drove my next tee shot into a towering evergreen, the only tree on that hole of course. Oh well maybe golf is less like sex and more like a job. Trust me when I say that there are a ton of hackers in the work world who are years beyond their best “shot” and continue to just hold up play.

I'll Call You....and other lies

You can ride high atop your pony
I know you won't fall...
'Cause the whole thing's phoney.
You can fly swinging from your trapeze
Scaring all the people
But you'll never scare me

Stevie Nicks...Bella Donna





There are some things that should be just obvious. Wouldn’t ya think?

So I had this cool CB900 Honda motorcycle. It was quick and very smooth since it was shaft driven, as opposed to the chain driven I was accustomed to. I discovered that when I tried to apply chain lube. Apparently a good sign to quit smoking so much dope.

Back then I would just take day trips, ranging from jaunts about the county to full blown trips to Seattle. At the time the speed limit was still 55, so it took a bit to do this. I knew a few other folks who had bikes and would often join them. One of these folks rode a Harley and was part of a “Biker Social Club”. It was not unusual to ride along with these club guys and it was as a rule just a bunch of people on motorcycles enjoying the experience of riding.

One day we came to a crest on the road that dropped down into a local town. Upon reaching it my riding buddies pulled off to the side of the road and I of course followed suit. My Harley Buddy walked over and explained that since we would be heading through town they couldn’t have me ride with them. Image and all that. But he went onto explain it would be OK for me to go through town 1st and I could wait for them on the other side and we could ride together again. In some bizarre way I felt that it probably made sense. I was already comfortable with my role of being the date you had on Saturday but under no circumstances would I be invited over for Sunday lunch to meet the family. It is after all about image.

I don’t believe my story is unique, let alone all that unusual. I suspect we all know people who we have been told that you just can’t ride with us in public. We have all probably treated someone in that manner. Now that I’m older, hey the AARP says I am, I sometimes cringe at what I allowed to pass for perfectly acceptable behavior.

Being one of the “cool” kids is tough and not for the faint of heart. I ‘m ok with not being one of the cool kids, I have learned that quality and loyalty far outshines how you look on your bike. I just wish I had learned that years earlier.

Sent By G, Thanks

Charles Plumb was a US Navy jet pilot in Vietnam.
After 75 combat
missions, his plane was destroyed by a surface-to-air
missile.
Plumb ejected and parachuted into enemy hands.
He was captured and
spent 6 years in a communist Vietnamese prison.
He survived the ordeal and now lectures on lessons
learned from that experience!
One day, when Plumb and his wife were sitting in a
restaurant,
a man at another table came up and said, "You're Plumb!
You flew
jet fighters in Vietnam from the aircraft carrier Kitty
Hawk. You were shot down!"
How in the world did you know that?" asked Plumb.
"I packed your parachute," the man replied. Plumb
gasped
in surprise and gratitude. The man pumped his hand
and said, "I guess it
worked!" Plumb assured him, "It sure did. If your
chute hadn't worked,
I wouldn't be here today."

Plumb couldn't sleep that night, thinking about that
man.
Plumb says, "I kept wondering what he had looked
like in a Navy uniform: a white hat; a bib in the back;
and bell-bottom trousers. I wonder how many times I
might have seen
him and not even said 'Good morning, how are you?'
or anything because, you see, I was a fighter pilot
and he was just a sailor."

Plumb thought of the many hours the sailor had spent
at a long wooden
table in the bowels of the ship, carefully weaving the
shrouds and folding
the silks of each chute, holding in his hands each time
the fate of someone
he didn't know.

Now, Plumb asks his audience, "Who's packing
your parachute?"
Everyone has someone who provides what they
need to make it through the day.
He also points out that he needed many kinds of
parachutes when his plane was shot down over
enemy territory -- he needed his physical parachute,
his mental parachute, his emotional parachute, and his
spiritual
parachute.
He called on all these supports before reaching safety.
Sometimes in the daily challenges that life gives us,
we miss
what is really important. We may fail to say hello,
please, or thank
you, congratulate someone on something wonderful
that has happened
to them, give a compliment, or just do something
nice for no reason. As
you go through this week, this month, this year,
recognize people who
pack your parachutes.

Between You and The Dog....I Pick The Dog

As I drove over to visit my folks the other day, I noticed a weird little trend. Much has been made about the number of attacks by Pit Bulls recently and I wonder if the trend might not tie into to this in some way. The scenario goes something like this.

If I want to appear like a real Gangster, a mean dog on a thick chain really speaks to the sheer toughness I posses. I then chain it up in my yard. I leave said dog alone and un socialized, other then when I walk it down the street to show folks how tough my dog and I really are. I teach my dog to be mean, because I am. I teach my dog to fight and be aggressive because it fills some whacked out need I have to be the Top Dog with my “homies”. Here is the difference though; your dog is not a coward on the inside.

Here in lies the rub. Your last name is Benson or Swenson. You have no more clue about being a gangster anymore then you have a clue that wearing your baggy pants down to your knees simply says you are available for sex in prison.

You can’t afford a big truck or “Bling Bling” to hang around your scrawny neck, so you have decided to let the world know how small your penis is by parading a poor dog around. You crop its ears, you find a nice looking spiked collar for it and then you screw up its life. How proud you must be. You are one tough dude from the “hood”.

I agree that Pit Bulls can be aggressive, as can Jack Russells. Dogs as a rule behave in a way we have taught them and it breaks my heart when I see what passes for Dog owners. Back a few years ago we lived in a town with a no kill shelter. It was not uncommon that folks would merely abandon their dogs there. To me there is no sadder sight then a dog running up and down a strange street trying to find it’s home and owner after being tossed from a car. Dogs don’t get that they are dispensable; they think they are part of the family. Dogs require time and patience and a ton of love, what they don’t need is a want to be Eminem.

Here is my deepest hope, if you raise a pit to be mean and aggressive, then it would only be right for it to kick your butt for screwing up it’s life.

No Comment

In regards to who is sleeping with who and how it affects my stock price.

As so well put "He without faults throw the 1st stone".

My Mistake, Thanks for pointing it out again

I don’t get mean spirited people.

I don’t get stupid people or Neapolitan ice cream. Just pick a flavor for crying out loud.

A friend, I worked with years ago, and I once discussed the impression you make on people. The whole point to the conversation was that in many cases you get one shot at making an impression; anything after that is just a crapshoot. Based on that I am sure I annoyed the hell out of a ton of people in my 1st 40 years or so. Not to say I haven’t been equally successful in this endeavor after 40,but prior to turning 40, I just seemed to have a real knack for being out there, big time. I had stumbled through a bunch of bad decisions and just plain stupid choices. For many reasons that person doesn’t exist anymore.

Before I go on, I should admit that I tend to have many of the same faults I often write about. Perhaps that is the ultimate joy of writing, the exorcism of ones thoughts and fears.

A few years back I was playing at new job. I say playing, since I was just trying it out for size and trying to see if it was really what I wanted to do for a living. Turned out it wasn’t.
In this new job I got to take people to lunch and so on, to convince folks that my new employer was the contractor for them. I got to play vendor golf, but in this case it was me telling the client what a great swing they had and how “shocked” I was that the shot that bounced of the sprinkler head and tree hadn’t ended up in the hole. In fact it really wasn’t all that different from my old job.

On one occasion I took and old acquaintance, (I would have probably used the term friend here, but at some point the writing on the wall is in neon), to lunch. After parading me through his new office and the really cute remarks about me being the vendor, (Vendor, see pays for everything and says how well you have done in Wikipedia), we headed off to lunch. My former colleague brought along a young engineer that reported to him. Albeit the chat was pleasant at 1st it soon turned to my desk is bigger then your desk. My “friend” took real joy in pointing out to his employee what a tragic joke my life was. He reveled in discussing my failed relationships and quizzed me about the number of these failures, since he had clearly not been able to keep count.
The rest of the lunch was run by autopilot. I vaguely recall picking up lunch as well as a few charity tickets to boot.
When I returned to my office I pondered the events. It occurred to me that I had a couple of choices here. The 1st of course being the logical one, merely smile and continue down the road of salesmanship, the 2nd being a deal breaker. I choice to write and email to my lunch buddy. In the note I readily admitted that I had made many bad choices in my personal life. I did not attempt to argue or defend any of these I had made. I then went on to point out that I had moved past those errors and would appreciate it if perhaps he might as well. I explained that I knew this could in fact be the end of a budding working relationship, I would hope that he might refrain from dragging me through memory lane in front of strangers.

Ever honk at someone in traffic when they have done something really dumb? They may have pulled out in front of you or run a stop sign. In so many cases when you alert the person to their driving expertise, they seem to have one reaction, drive really, really, fast.
The response from my email was pretty much that. After the apologetic note I never heard from my former friend again.

So there you go, as they say in the South, maybe you can never go home or re live your past, but never underestimate the abilities of others to do it for you.

Yep School is Tough...so is the other option

WASL deadline for math delayed to 2013


Gregoire, along with Superintendent of Public Instruction Terry Bergeson, had pushed for a delay in math. But both were strongly opposed to delaying the year in which students must pass the reading and writing sections of the exam.
Many Democratic lawmakers wanted to delay reading and writing. School districts with large numbers of low-income children and students who speak English as a second language asked for the delay.

So you don’t want to make kids have to pass a base requirement to graduate from school? And you want to lower the standards to let everyone pass? Can the standards actually get lower?

Explain something to me here, and this helps whom? I grew up not speaking English till I was 8. I know many folks who grew up in homes with English, as a second language and a shitload of these were poor to boot. I grow weary of society feeling the need to adjust its rules to make life easier for all. I celebrate diversity and cultural differences. I do not celebrate multi lingual signage at the DMV.

Recently my wife volunteered at a math Olympics for 7th and 8th graders. Many of the students came from homes where English was not the language spoken at home, and yet these students excelled in all subjects. Many were new to the US and yet embraced the importance of education and not asking for exceptions.

Yep, trust me, it is hard to learn a new language on the run, but you kinda made that choice when you moved here. And yep it is tough being poor, and the circumstances are sad beyond belief in many cases. But lowering the standard doesn’t help make life better; it merely gives you your 1st substantial reason for failure.

Trust me poor reading and writing shows and it crosses all gender and race lines. Every time someone utters the phrase “on accident” I cringe to my 6th grade English class.

Just when I was warming up to being a Democrat.

do me a fave

I need comments, you like the article, you think I'm full of it..any word would be good

Got Ya Covered

After six months of international legal wrangling, DNA swabbing and accusations of fraud, a genetic expert announced in a closed-door hearing in Bahamian court Tuesday that the father of Anna Nicole Smith’s child is Larry Birkhead.

Poppycock!

I have no idea how Mr. Birkhead stole my DNA but clearly he has, the kid is mine and he knows it. However all things considered I think it only reasonable that relinquish my rights in this matter for a small monetary consideration. So for the small amount of monies, let us say the cost of a nice beachfront property in Newport Beach, I am more then man enough to walk away. Certainly this is in the best interest of the little kid, girl right?

Just so this doesn’t happen again I will soon publish a list of all the women I have slept with, and possibly impregnated, in the near future. This list will be a legally binding document and should be good for an indefinite period of time. Out of discretion and respect I will release the names one at time, somewhere around the second trimester and an audit of bank statements and real estate holdings. A gentleman never tells.

I would also like to add that this includes all of the sperm banks I have been generous enough to donate to. Thus the adopting of babies in foreign countries is clearly covered by this document.

The Courtyard is open

When it comes to writing a new book or script, there really “isn’t anything new under the sun”, as King Solomon, said. Most movies are just a different twist on a central theme, redemption, honesty and so on. Many covered in the Greek Tragedies.

Last night we watched “Click”, a movie starring Adam Sadler. Albeit in “It’s a Wonderful Life” and the original “A Christmas Carol” by Dickens, no one got kicked in the crotch and the “F” word wasn’t used, it is pretty well the same premise. I believe the theme here is life and work balance, if you are reading this on your “Crack berry” then you may have already missed the point.

Like so many in my generation, my job defined me. There were so many things to do and very little time set aside for other things. My kids grew up with a dad who they knew not to count on during a major shutdown or project. Work always came 1st. My friends, and those I sadly assumed were friends, were mostly people I met through work. There were sports events that I didn’t attend and excuses that my kids could recite on command. Loyalty to the job seemed paramount and when going through personal issues, I merely buried myself deeper into my projects. Who knew a divorce could help you look better at work?

I need to say here that I met my wife through work and certainly, that was that best bonus I have ever received.

1998 changed everything.

We moved from the ultimate commuter community of Irvine Calif to a sleepy beach town on the Orange County line. We had never lived in such cramped surroundings, in hindsight we didn’t realize how tight the “hood would become. Our neighbors on either side weren’t more then 10 feet away, 5 feet to the concrete walls that defined the 25’ by 100’ lot. Our little shack by the ocean became a true home. We quickly became acquainted with the neighbors on our block. Within a brief time these acquaintances became friends and to this day are the standard that we measure all friendships by. We spent time in each other’s homes. School plays, births, deaths and real life became part of this weave of this fabric that was 3rd street. We sang Old Irish songs on St Patty’s and held impromptu parades on the 4th of July. We adopted our 1st dog, still the 1st dog in her opinion some 9 years later. Molly of course became best friends with Clover our neighbs dog. Our dogs went to the kennels together and they had playtime in each other’s yards, yard being a bit of a stretch. We discussed politics, we discussed the Emmys, and no subject was sacred. We would all stand in our courtyards on Halloween and hand out candy to the out of town visitors, all the while sharing a glass of wine and a sense of family. We played hockey in the alley and listened to good neighbor Tim as he waxed on about the faults of world. Usually while he was fixing something we had broken. A weekend wasn’t complete without time spent in our crowded courtyard and solving the woes of the world over a bottle of Rodney Strong or a glass or 2 of vodka. We have friends of friends who actually had heard so much about the Courtyard; they believed it to be a real bar at the beach.

The strength of 3rd street was based on friendship without anything to be gained or compromised. We all had jobs and yet these had nothing to with what defined us there. We all sort of knew what the other one did, but rarely did it make any difference. There was no attempting to position ourselves for anything other then a good seat in the courtyard.

We have moved on now and have made new friends, all of whom would fit just fine in the courtyard. We still have friends from our connection through work and other places. They live in Spain, Russia and all over the country, and oddly enough many of them spent time with us on 3rd ST. It seems to be the thread that binds.

In January we had occasion to go back to the “Hood”. The kids are grown now, no longer 6 to 12 year olds singing Britney Spears songs in the alley. We have all grown older and perhaps wiser. Time does move on and lives continue in constant flux… and yet the passing of time seemed lost as we laughed and discussed the state of the world over a glass of wine all the while engulfed by the family we will always know as 3rd ST.

I Have a Mormon Garage

Years ago I was fairly clueless when it came to anything to do with tools and what to use them for. I was not a very handy guy. Oh sure I owned a hammer and a few screw drivers, but that was pretty much the extent of it. The along came a friend in California who changed all that. We will just call him “J’ to protect his identity. He was kind enough to come over to our house and look at a door that leaked every time it rained. In California this was rare, so I had originally thought about just living with it. Keep in mind; we had lived in this house for almost 2 years when we were suddenly woken by an odd sound. My wife and I looked around and tried to figure out what that strange mechanical noise was. Even our new puppy Molly was confused by the sound and vibration. A few minutes later we discovered it was the furnace, a sound we had not heard for quite some time.

Anyways, “J” came over and actually took stuff down around the door and said it was interior stuff and should be exterior stuff. I simply nodded with that “deer in the headlights” look. It’s the same look I get when my wife starts talking about her job.

Pretty soon he was pulling out pieces and then putting in new things and then he used some sort of foam stuff and declared the job done. He left me a list of things to do to finalize it all, painting or something like that. I’m pretty sure I never actually got around to that.

What it did do was fascinate me to a whole concept, fixing stuff my self. To say my poor wife had to endure many failed projects would be a touch of an understatement. Oh sure I could demo the main bathroom, which I did one day while she was at work, but I really hadn’t given much thought to the next step. Over time things have gotten better and I know love working around things.

To this day I get nervous when “J” and his lovely wife drop by... It’s a lot like being a new guitar player and having Eric Clapton swing by to critique your playing skills.

So my garage is finally finished. I have installed cabinets and drawers along one entire side. I have tons of storage and working surfaces. I also noticed I have a ton of tools, some of them are duplicates, and then some. I still have my original hammer, but over time it seemed to be getting on in years and so I got another fresher one to help it. That one also started showing it’s age so I went looking for a new one to add to my growing collection. And here we are 12 years after the leaky door and I have 6 hammers, numerous screwdrivers and wrenches and tools I don’t even know the names of. Don’t even get me started on sockets.

Many years ago, on my search for spiritual enlightenment I was a Mormon. I was pretty fresh one to boot; I was amazed at some of the stuff and a bit disturbed by the other things. My new female friend (now my bride who is doomed to mormon hell) at the time began to ask me pointed questions about my new found religion. Some of these raised some serious doubts in my mind. The holy undies were a bit odd but the thing that got me was the concept that when I died I would get my own planet. Even though I assured her that couldn’t be right, I thought it best to check with my Bishop. After a bit of stammering and pointing out that I was still a bit too new to grasp the whole picture, he did finally admit that indeed I would be given a planet.

“Planet Jake” where only people I invited would be welcome. Since women aren’t allowed a planet of their own, all the homemade meals and so on began to make sense.
I finally looked at my Bishop and said, “I can’t even keep my garage clean, what am I going to do with a planet”.

Couldn't Make This UP

Chiquita charged in terror investigation

By MATT APUZZO, Associated Press Writer

WASHINGTON - Banana company Chiquita Brands International said Wednesday it has agreed to a $25 million fine and admit paying a Colombian terrorist group for protection in a volatile farming region.
In court documents filed Wednesday, federal prosecutors said the Cincinnati-based company and several unnamed high-ranking corporate officers paid about $1.7 million between 1997 and 2004 to the United Self-Defense Forces of Colombia, known as AUC for its Spanish initials.
The AUC has been responsible for some of the worst massacres in Colombia's civil conflict and for a sizable percentage of the country's cocaine exports. The right-wing group was designated by the U.S. government as a terrorist organization in September 2001.

Oh man, what a Woody Allen movie in the making.

1st they recall peanut butter because it has e-coli happening and now this. Bad spinach, bad lettuce and really, really bad dog and cat food. Starting to think that growing your own is making more sense all the time.

But lets get back to the whole bananas for ransom deal. Is this a common thing? Is Juan Valdez really carrying coffee beans on his burro or is it more of a mule thing? How does one go about paying off guerillas in the 1st place? Who negotiates that deal? Is the protection based on volume or per bunch? If you don’t pay does somebody actually get killed or is the produce merely damaged? This whole story has a certain appeal and could be split in many ways. Is someone known as the king of bananas and in fact is this something you would be promoted to or merely inherit the title. Probably have to peel away at the story to get to the edible parts.

Once in my life I arranged for funds to be given to officials in Mexico to get parts across the border. Is that the same deal? Oh well whole different story.

Think I’ll go find an orange.

Is That The Smell of a Union Brewing??

Circuit City to cut more than 3,500 jobs

By MAE ANDERSON and ELLEN SIMON, AP Business Writers Wed Mar 28, 7:30 PM ET

NEW YORK - A new plan for layoffs at Circuit City is openly targeting better-paid workers, risking a public backlash by implying that its wages are as subject to discounts as its flat-screen TVs
The electronics retailer, facing larger competitors and falling sales, said Wednesday that it would lay off about 3,400 store workers — immediately — and replace them with lower-paid new hires as soon as possible.
The laid-off workers, about 8 percent of the company's total work force, would get a severance package and a chance to reapply for their former jobs, at lower pay, after a 10-week delay, the company said.

And I actually enjoyed shopping there…

Years ago I worked for Holiday gas in the upper peninsula of Michigan. It was a 24-hour convenience store similar to 7/11 and I was a young married guy looking for work. I was given the welcome aboard speech and told about all the potential growth possibilities with this fine group. I was promptly put on nights and began my climb to the top of corporate America. Plus all the nudie mags I could read at night to boot.

The longer you worked of course the sooner you would be looking at $1.50/hr and limited bennies. I assumed I would make day shift very soon and the hot dog machine was mine. I worked hard to achieve this ambition, and they said not going to college would hurt me. The 30th day approached and I was looking at a nice singlewide mobile home on 5 acres, with a snowmobile thrown in. All of this for only $9,000 dollars, life was good. On the 28th day I was fired for stealing $20.00 from the register. Well they told me my receipts did not match and I was $20 off so they could assume I had stolen it.

Ok, so maybe this is the same deal on the fools at Circuit City. How the hell do you clowns sleep at night?

See you at Best Buy.

Well That's Going Well...

Officials: Policemen go on killing spree

By SINAN SALAHEDDIN, Associated Press Writer 7 minutes ago

BAGHDAD - Shiite militants and police enraged by massive truck bombings in Tal Afar went on a revenge spree against Sunni residents in the northwestern town Wednesday, killing as many as 60 people, officials said.

Right you are sir, no civil war here.

Apparently GW has never bothered to pay attention to history. Not only is there a civil war, there as always been one and there probably always will be. It is the nature of the beast. George the 1st got that, he was smart enough to not engage in a war with not a chance of a clear path to victory, let alone a stalemate. Sometime your dad is right…

On a different note, I was reading one of the stock web pages on yahoo. The subject being discussed was the up side to the Iranian capture/abduction of British naval and marine personnel. Hard to believe there would be an upside to this but I overlooked the potential rise in the cost of crude oil. What was I thinking?

Let’s face it folks to every horror and potential disaster there is always a silver lining. Though I am still waiting to see the upside of hurricanes that shattered the gulf coast. I must have missed that memo.

Speaking of anarchy and civil war, I read that permits for handguns is off the scale in New Orleans. Considering that a few folks may have actually gotten guns without permits, it would seem to me, this might just be an issue. Perhaps we are spending a lot of money protecting foreign interests and maybe not enough on our own. If charity begins at home them perhaps other things may fall into that arena. Perhaps we should send a division or two to The Big Easy and bring it to a peaceful resolution. But what do I know, just a thought.. clean up your own backyard…

Can I Have an Other...

Police: Smith died from drug overdose

By MATT SEDENSKY, Associated Press Writer 1 hour, 1 minute ago

DANIA BEACH, Fla. - The Seminole County police chief said that
Anna Nicole Smith died of an accidental drug overdose.

Really? I never would have guessed that, I assumed she died of natural causes resulting from being worn out from being such a good mom and stellar role model.

Why is this worthy of headline news, for that matter any news? I get that this was a tragic wasted life. I get that she was used and manipulated, while at the same time doing her fair share of the same. I feel for her surviving child and struggle that you could actually be in the same room with your other child as he overdoses on your drugs.

When was it exactly that this generation turned into the Beverly Hillbillies on Crack. When did being a parent consist of giving your child all of your negative traits and very few of your good ones; assuming there were any good ones to begin with.

Have we, as a society, become so busy trying to find out what little Johnny is “really” saying, that we have forgotten that he is just a child acting up?

The other day we were at Petco getting nametags for our dogs. The place was fairly busy with folks trying to find dog food without rat poison as a side ingredient. While we stood in line, a child no more then 2 apparently went into severe trauma. His screaming and wailing were off the scale. At 1st I could only assume that “Lenny the Tarantula” had somehow leaped from his glass cell and had bitten said child. We witnessed the father and grandfather of “wild child” scramble to find the item the poor undernourished kid really wanted. “I want a pop” echoed through the store. Each scream just a tad louder. I was ready to go get Lenny myself and turn him loose. Who knew that pet stores sold Soft drinks? The father, dressed sharply in his tavern jacket and matching hat, abandoned the drama and announced to granddad “You get the little S*#* what he wants will ya!!!”
Luckily Granddad was much more persistent and was able to track down the desire of his grandson’s heart. The screams of this poor child went to a look of smug victory in a second. I swear the little brat flipped us off as he raced out into the parking lot with his trophy, granddad sort of trying to keep up with him. Eventually they all piled into the 87 Buick La Saber and headed off to the trailer park.

I still think the kid had it right, he was asking for a “pop” and I for one think he should received several upon request.

The Grass is Always Greener on the pallet

So all I need is about 5 pieces of sod.

No one really just carries that amount. In order to get 5 pieces I would need to buy an entire pallet and I don’t need that much. None of the local nurseries carry single pieces of sod.

It is quite the dilemma.

I could drive down to the next county and try to pick up some spare pieces from the turf farm. But that is around 70 miles round trip, seems like extreme measures just to get a few pieces of sod. A person has to draw the line somewhere…

Life can be that way I guess; sometimes you just need a taste, not the whole dinner.

Speaking of something totally different, Attorney General Alberto Gonzales said today that he serves at the whim of the President. Wasn’t that what Rumsfield said just prior to his “decision” to move on? I might be wrong here but I see a pattern. Can you imagine someone making an example of you to just make him or her look good? What are the odds?

I also saw that the President went to Guatemala to visit a poor town with under paid workers? Couldn’t he have just swung by the Gulf Coast? Just wondering…

Hey wait a minute a truck just drove by with some pallets of sod. We are having dinner with some friends tonight so maybe we can get some information on where the sod came from or ended up.

George Meets an Old Employee

 

Oh Please Just Shut Up

Gingrich had affair during Clinton probe

The honest answer is yes," Gingrich, a potential 2008 Republican presidential candidate, said in an interview with Focus on the Family founder James Dobson to be aired Friday, according to a transcript provided to The Associated Press. "There are times that I have fallen short of my own standards. There are certainly times when I've fallen short of God's standards."

Gingrich argued in the interview, however, that he should not be viewed as a hypocrite for pursuing Clinton's infidelity.

What!!!!

At what point aren’t you a hypocrite Newt?

And what Mega ego works on that equation? Where are your deep, and admitted twisted, views of the bible coming from exactly? Does the term “remove the beam from your own eye before you point out the splinter in others” ring a bell in that vacant bell tower you call a brain?

The moral right is beyond wearisome. They have reached a new level of the absurd. I have had it to the point of anger and it has been building up for a bit. I love the phrase “ Going to church no more makes you a Christian then hanging out in a garage makes you a mechanic”.

I am sick of the mega churches and the political clout they toss around like cheap fish at a Hughie Newton crawfish boil in Louisiana.

Hello… separation of Church and State ring a bell?

I will never waver from my belief in God and at the same time I am distressed beyond words at the use of his name to justify your behaviors.

Oh well in the end who am I to judge, that will be handled at a later time… sans the news coverage of course Newt.

10-4 Good Buddy

How does a telemarketer know you are sitting down to eat?

I had one of these bottom feeders call the other night that may have taken the cake. Most folks have no idea how to say my last name. This is of course puts them at a disadvantage right from the get go. “Hello Mr. Ickenberg” is generally the not best start for hustling me out off money for a worthy cause or really cheap Viagra. In my old job I was once referred to as Jake Bigenbroad, a company spokesperson. I still have friends who call me this, not the notoriety I was looking for.

So the phone rings…”Hey Jake, how are you buddy” was the begging of the pitch. Good move, don’t even try that foreign last name.
In the background you could make out the sound of radio chatter, as in 2-way radio and such. Actually a pretty clever ploy considering where this call was going. Telemarketers with props, God help me.
“Hey this Mark with the Washington State Patrol “^%$#@” Union in Olympia. How are you tonight, not in trouble with the cops are you”? Of course followed by a good buddy laugh.
I ask what can I do my special buddy.
“Well Jake, I know you are a big supporter of these brave men who put their lives on the line for the public.”
I think to ask if there are any women who might actually do this but assume it would stop the written script.
He goes onto explain all the wonderful things a State Patrol does and that I probably didn’t know that they actually had a large charity wing that helps out the less fortunate.
Visions of them handing out food stamps to the spouse’s of the Meth dude that is in the back of the squad car, jump to mind

“Are you a State Trooper”? I ask.

A bit of a stammer followed by “Well not an active one, but we work behind the scenes to help support them and the things they need to do their jobs.” And here I thought taxes did that.

“Not interested.’ I say .

“Aw come on Jake you don’t want to hang up on me…” was the last thing I heard as I hung up.

Trailer Trash Update

Britney Spears shaves her head…
She checked into rehab…
She checked out of rehab…

Recommended new song for her…”Drop kick me Jesus, through field goal posts of life.”

Anna Nicole is still dead…
Howard “Special K” Stern thinks she was using drugs when she died. Duh!!!
Body still in limbo and so on…

Recommended song …”John Brown’s body lies a molding in the grave.”

Nicole Richie drives wrong way on I405…
She admitted to smoking a joint and popping some Vicodin…
She is charged with being a really skinny whack job in a Benz…

Song of choice…”White Rabbit.’


As a side note, the soon to be former wife of Paul McCartney will be appearing on “Dancing with the Stars.” The show that brings out the desperate need for some to just be in the spotlight. Ms Mills, as some of you know is sans one leg. This brings a whole new meaning to the old show biz phrase “Break a Leg.”

An Email From Iraq 2/2/07

I don't know if we have smart enough people here to win...


All,

I have to tell a VERY interesting story, that may have a disheartening effect on some of you; I know it did on me.

We were in the Weekly Joint Planning Commission where High-ranking military folks hash out problems with their Iraqi counter-parts (Who SELDOM show up). In this particular meeting, the Head of the meeting was absent so his Chief of Staff came in his stead (so HE was the head of the meeting). All I can say is that these people are VERY high in the Department of State. When one of the slides came up on the board, he asked, "what is that green, hashed area on the slide?" Now, it was green only by coincidence (for any color would have served the purpose of highlighting it), but its SHAPE was unmistakeable. You see, that Green (hashed) area on the map was THE Green Zone. This guy, who is the VERY high at the Department of State was unable to recognize THE Green Zone on a map, when it was the ONLY area highlighted... That is tantamount to Arnold seeing a map of America with California being highlighted and ASKING WHAT IT WAS...

It reminded me of a Mark Twain quote: "The Church is responsible for burning thousands, possibly hundreds of thousands, of Witches at the stake. Of course, now we know that there is no such thing as witches; I don't know wether to laugh or cry..." I, too, did not know whether to laugh or cry...

Hope you all are well.


(from the Heavily Fortified Green Zone, which I, and most of the people here, can identify on a map)

Come To Daddy

Ok, I am the father of Anna Nicole Smith’s daughter. I have seen the pictures of the child and she bears a striking resemblance to similar baby pictures I have seen. Anna and I have had a long running affair, mostly on the Internet since I don’t fly, and there is no doubt in my mind that the little girl was fathered by me.

Where do I sign up for the money and so on?

This whole cluster is beyond sad. Someone snag this poor child and get her away from anyone involved in this joke. You couldn’t write a worse movie plot if you tried.

Speaking of movies, how can anyone make the quantum leap in assuming that there are any parallels between the lives of Anna NS and Marilyn Monroe? I will give you they are both dead, both blonde (at times) and both had some issues. After that the comparisons end. Marilyn actually had talent; Anna had weight issues and big boobs. Enough said.

Speaking of a twisted version of “Lust in Space”, how would you like to be the cop who got to look in the car of Lisa Marie Nowak. Lisa, of course being, the diaper-wearing astronaut, who drove from Houston to Florida to off her competition. I bet the smell off a couple of used depends in the back seat of a rental car just about makes your day.

I’m sure this twisted little tale of lust and Tang runs right up there with other plot ideas even Fox television wouldn’t use. Having never been a big fan of spending billions on the space program, I am now more intrigued with NASA then ever. This has got to make for some great questions on the tour at the space center in Houston. I wonder if they will design a ride for this scenario. “Ok kids, 1st put on your depends and then get into the rental car.”

The other day I went to buy some cigarettes. I go to the local Indian Casino, since it is less then $100.00 dollars a carton there. Going to any casino makes you realize where the term “a tax on stupid people” comes from.

There is never a bigger moment in my life that screams “quit smoking”, then going to a casino. Something about people in tavern jackets, with a cigarette hanging from their lip that makes me realize what a stupid habit it truly is.

Regardless, while standing in line, a very large younger native woman struck up a conversation with one of the clerks. “So are you still dating that white guy?” she asked the clerk.

I’m not I was quite ready for the response.

“Yes I am, he gets out of prison next month.” Responded the clerk with a bright smile.
I suddenly got lost in the thought that in many parts of this country Anna Nicole is actually a role model.

Maybe that is what worries me the most; I lost sight of where the bar has been set and what now passes for normal behavior.

Road Rules

Road Trip Tips, or “Oh my, did you see that?”

When traveling across Texas on Interstate 10, avoid the “Mickey D” in Junction. I know there is no other food for 60 miles, but just keep on driving. A good box of Ritz is always a good plan on extended road trips. If lulled into stopping at afore mention façade of a fast food joint, be prepared for the world’s worst breakfast muffin. It will be cold and as chewy as the cardboard it arrived in. You will also get the extra joy of eggshells in the thing. A trip to the dentist finally got the last pieces out last week.

When booking a room on the river walk in San Antonio, check with the clerk if the concrete pour will actually be happening all night long. The sounds of backup alarms do not, at any point, become white noise. It will wake you up every 20 minutes.

There are no decent motels between El Paso and Phoenix.

Avoid any motel where the dude sitting behind the desk has a chain attached to his wallet. Try as you may, there is no getting beyond the smell of Meth being cooked, kicked in doors in adjacent rooms or boards used to keep out God knows what. Simply march back to the front desk and say “No f#@$%^@ way, I want my money back.” Either way, just get back in the car and keep on driving.

Just south west of Phoenix my wife pointed out what she thought was some act being done by the passenger to the driver of a car weaving at an erratic speed next to us. This was at 7 in the morning after all. I assured her the passenger was merely looking for something she dropped. Briefly afterwards the car slowed in front of us and the passenger leaned out her window and spit something out. Oh man that better wash off. You meet the next people in your Chevrolet.

We smuggled houseplants from Texas. We knew California would check for these, so we hid them under the dirty clothes. We formed a plan to look casual and get through the checkpoint. Apparently there are only certain hours when they check for houseplants and illegal aliens. The hours were clearly posted. We showed up on the off hours. We though about leaving them a plant to brighten up the booth.

So here we are, 6000 miles in road trips in leas then 11 months. Man my butt hurts.

Nancy, baby..let's talk

Pelosi bans smoking near House floor
1 hour, 49 minutes ago
WASHINGTON - New House Speaker Nancy Pelosi is snuffing out one of Congress' enduring prerogatives, still cherished by some lawmakers — the right to smoke near the floor of the House. Pelosi, D-Calif., announced Wednesday that effective immediately, House members would no longer be able to light up in the ornate Speaker's Lobby off the House floor where lawmakers mingle during votes

You self-righteous cow…


OK, I smoke. I get that I am one of the millions of self destructive, nicotine poisoned, bottom feeders that Ms Pelosi has issue with. I get that the taxes on smokes are beyond belief. We are looked down on, yelled at and shunned. We rate somewhere above border crossers and used car salesman. We are a scourge on modern society and should not be allowed to be near proper society.

Things I hear and the answers I would love to say:

“Those aren’t good for you!!”

Really, but it does keep the weight down, want one?

“Must you smoke here?”

Well I do now

“You smell of smoke!!”

Nice isn’t it?

“Your second hand smoke is harming me.”

Move.

“Your are putting unnatural things in your body.”

And those are soy implants??

You think most smokers don’t think it’s a bad habit? We do, and as a rule we can be pretty darn polite about it. A lesson some non-smokers might give a chance.

Year’s back I belonged to a gym in Southern California. It was a fairly large complex, 3 stories high and an acre plus in the back for a pool. The entire building was a glass front.
One day after a workout I opted to some laps and then lay out by the pool. I decided to go to the farthest part of the property so I could have a smoke while I relaxed.
Yea, I get the irony.
As I got comfortable in the lawn chair and lit my cigarette I faced the back of the gym. On the third floor was the row of treadmills that overlooked the pool. As I struck the match, I noticed the hard stare of Bambi Biceps from her perch on the treadmill. Even from the distance the look was unquestionable. I watched as she left her perch and made her way to the set of stairs leading down. I timed her. It took 8 minutes and 2 smokes for her to reach the bottom floor that lead to the entrance to the pool. Another 4 minutes to walk the length of the property to where I was “relaxing”. She wasted no time explaining how I was causing her harm by my selfish act and would ask the management team to have me removed from the premises.
As I intently listened, I could barely make out what she was saying over the sounds of 8 lanes of traffic on the 405 and the 737’s stacked up trying to land at John Wayne airport, it struck me, this was the dumbest butt chewing I had ever taken. It made me realize then that no attempt at civility would ever work smokers.

Hey Nance, maybe you could tackle some real issues and question. Maybe you could work on the little stuff, maybe a well-mannered and helpful civil servant? Anywhere would be a start. Maybe the butthead at the passport office might be easier to deal with if you let him have a smoke break once in awhile?

And Now For the Rambling

Malibu fire destroys Suzanne Somers home
By PETER PRENGAMAN, Associated Press Writer Tue Jan 9, 1:49 PM ET
MALIBU, Calif. - Suzanne Somers' home was one of four destroyed by a wind-driven wildfire that swept through an exclusive seaside neighborhood of multimillion-dollar homes, a spokesman confirmed Tuesday.

And you thought folks in Iraq had it bad. What is this world coming to when the “queen of the thigh master” has to watch her house consumed by fire? Where is the commitment of local firefighters? Gotta wonder if spare silicone helped fuel that fire.

Hey here’s a thought, maybe we could run a lead story of all the folks who have had really bad things happen to them as well. Do you think that would be decided by level of income or mere notoriety? If your house is worth less then $250,000.00 and you work 2 jobs to make the mortgage, would that qualify? Who am I too judge?

Speaking of really dumb choices, can we discuss the Houston Texans for a moment?

The Texas Longhorns won, last year at this time, the BCS bowl. 3 of the outstanding players in that game were Reggie Bush, Matt Leinart and Vince Young. Easily picked to go #1,2 &3 in the following NFL draft. Pretty rare too have that much talent to pick from the college ranks in one year.

One of the worst teams in the NFL was in fact the Houston Texans. Their reward for this would be to have 1st choice of any of these team-changing players. Pretty cool kudos for losing.

How dumb would you be to pass on any of these 3?

I think Dumb didn't cover it.

The Texans drafted Mario Williams a defensive end. As a matter of point, no defensive end had ever been drafted #1 in the history of the NFL draft.
Reggie Bush was drafted by the New Orleans “Aints”. The Saints in turn went from a losing record to being on of the top 2 teams in the NFC. Leinart and Young both ended as starting QB’s for their respective pro teams.
The Texans stunk the place up.

You want fun? Tell a Houston fan that not drafting Bush, Leinart or Young was a stupid move. You instantly become the Dixie Chicks of sports with that utterance. Ain’t no one here buying tickets to your show.